Category: Christian living

Colorful letters spelling Happy Birthday on a wall
Christian living, Family, prophecy

A Birthday Reflection Redo – Some things I’ve Learned in 55 years

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For those who read my original birthday reflection, I jumped into the subject of prophetic words. It felt like that would be a better blog onto itself. So, I’m doing a little rewriting here, and I’ll give more attention to the prophetic word subject later, when we can dive deeper. So, here you go.

You know you are getting a bit older, when you start referring to things happening in “decades”. It happened this morning. I mused about how long it has been since we have gotten an accumulation of snow in the south like we have right now. Five to six inches is quite a lot for us, “southerners”. Yet, as I thought about the last time this had happened, I thought, “Well, that must have been at least a decade ago.”

“A decade ago.” “Two decades ago.” “Three decades ago.” Yikes.

And so, here I am a little over five and a half decades of life lived, thinking a lot about what I want the rest of the decades of my life to be like, realizing that “the longer I live, the less I seem to know”. That famous quote is true, because the longer I live, the more perspective I gain, which shows me the more room I need for growth. The more understanding I have leads to perceiving how I really don’t know as much as I thought I once did.

I am going to bullet point some things I have been learning about in the past 55 years of living. I say been learning because again the more I think I got it, the more I seem I have to learn. A new curve ball gets thrown that makes me refine my perspective. I will flesh out some of these statements over the next few months, as the Spirit leads me to do.

Words and their meanings really matter. Over the course of the this past decade, (Remember, I’m older now and can refer to life through that lens, ha!) the meaning of words have been morphing and changing. I’ve been informed of this phenomenon many times by my younger generation friends. One thing I’ve really noticed in our culture is that there is a tendency to group several meanings of words under one word, which blurs the meaning. This causes confusion and opens the door to misunderstanding and even abuse. Take the word “autism”, which I’ve had a crash course in recently due to a friend who has it. The meaning and application of that one word is extremely broad, so much so they had to call it an “autistic spectrum”. Other religious examples that come to mind are “prophetic” and “forgive”. There is also a ton of abuse that has gone on using scriptures or Biblical principles, as they are weaponized against people to control or manipulate them. If you want help with that, take a look at Rebecca Davis’s Untwisting Scripture book series. In all this, the importance of understanding the meaning of words and how they are used is paramount. This requires us to stop and ask good questions, and not just assume the meaning of things.

God doesn’t command us to forgive, unless a person is repentant. He does command us to love and to pray for people. I’ll dive into this one more in the future, as I am unlearning and relearning some things about this.

Creativity is a huge component in healing our brain, our body, our emotions, and even our Spirit. It causes our brain to shift to a positive place, where connections can be made to help us process out trauma and pain. You can refer to come of my previous blogs on this. Start with “Exploring Our God Given Imagination: Part One”.

Love. Joy. Peace. Faith. Even things like Unity. These are actually forces that move and change things. Everything else will fail, except for love. Think about that. When we get caught up in attacking one another, cursing each other, placing one other in “camps”, we are giving into the work of the enemy. Yet, when we turn away from that, and truly love people, which is an action that begins with patience, we can literally change atmospheres. One act of patience, kindness, gentleness can defuse explosive situations, and restore unity. We don’t really understand the power of it. Love is patient, kind, gentle. See 1 Cor. 13 for the definition of what love really is.

Unhealed pain that we refuse to allow into the Light of God, that we nature and hold onto, leaves the doors wide open to the enemy to come in and harm us. One of the main temptations that get thrown our way, and seems so right is to take false responsibility over things that aren’t ours to do. As soon as we put our hands on what is meant for the Holy Spirit to do, we become our own mini-gods, and control and elitism are right on the heels. According to Kathie Walters, every move of God has been stopped by someone taking false responsibility. That’s huge.

Seek justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with God. If we follow this recipe, then we will stay balanced in the tossing waves of the storms we are in as a society. Justice is the foundation of God’s throne. Last year, particularly, God consistent spoke to me that justice is coming and being done. Personally, I went on a journey of reporting some crimes that I had experienced as a child, at the beginning of last year. Again, this is one I’ll dive into later, but there were some important lessons learned in that whole process. Our legal systems may not bring justice as it should, but God will in His time.

Sitting in the mercy seat is essential for dispensing justice and judgments. See the blog I wrote entitled “The Two Thrones” for more of this.

Sometimes, you just have to let go. Freewill is REALLY important to God. As much as you want to help someone, and you want to love someone, you can’t force anyone to do anything. In fact, you truly can’t have LOVE, if you don’t have freewill. When someone chooses to leave, you have to let go. Letting go is also an act of TRUSTING GOD.

“BE like the CENTURION,” rang in my Spirit on New Year’s Day this year. That meant to me that it’s not up to me to fix things, or fix people. I don’t even have to be present. All I have to do is believe that Jesus knows what HE’s doing and has the authority to do it. All I have to do is ask Him, and BELIVE Him. Our FAITH in Jesus is what moves the mountains, and we all have a measure of it.

Sometimes, I just need to listen. What people need more than our instruction and “great wisdom” (a little sarcasm here) is to be heard and seen first. Then, that may open the door for us to share our hearts too. I’m too fast to jump in with advice, because of wanting to help. It’s so easy for me to get into fix it, momma-mode. And almost every time, it’s not received and causes relational stress. Most of the time, people know what they need to do. They just need a safe person to share with.

We have to have a true north – a compass in life or we will wander off and get lost. There is truth that is unchanging and is stable to stand on. As a believer in Jesus, that for me is found in my relationship with Him and in the scriptures. If I veer from that relationship and/or His word, I become like that ship tossed about on a ship in a storm.

Sometimes, we just need to REST. This is a constant battle in me. I want to do. I want to fix. I want to take action. Finish a project. I hate it when people I love are hurting, and I can’t do something about it. Yet, Jesus consistently had to pull away from people Himself when He was on earth and rest. He had to go rest in His Father’s Love and know His Father’s heart. That’s how He knew what the Father’s will was at every turn, because He was in constant fellowship with Him. If we try to do life, without staying in the Ps. 91 place, abiding under the shadow of His wings, we will quickly burn out. Jesus didn’t respond to the needs of people. He did whatever His Father did. He pulled away. And He responded to faith.

Identity. Identity. Identity. It’s in those times of RESTING in the heart of God and meditating on His word, that I find out who He has created me to be. He already knows the future; therefore, He already knows who I’ve become in Him. These times of experiencing God define me. He reveals to me my identity in Him, which is uniquely mine, because He has created each of us with a divine blueprint of who we are in Him, and what HE has called us to do and be. Knowing this and remembering this, keep me on the right path towards life in Him. And in turn, I learn more of who He is. And how much He truly love us, which changes me more to be like Him.

Well, I think that’s enough to chew on for a few months at least. Thank you for reading and allowing me to share a few things I’m learning on the way. I pray it helped you.

Hopefully, I have a few decades left to live on this earth, and I hope I can live them well, in timing and relationship with my Lord and Savior, obeying His will. I pray I can do that with a little more perspective than before – with a bit more understanding, that only walking with Him through time can give. And if I have gained any wisdom, that I can share that in the right way, at the right time, so that it can help someone else on their journey with Jesus.

That’s my simple birthday wish.

Grateful for each of you. Love to you all.

A family gathered around a lit Christmas tree in a cozy room
Christian living, Family, Seasonal

A Christmas Story – The Gift

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This post gently touches on themes of abuse. Take your time, and be kind to yourself as you read.

It was Christmas Eve in 1983. My father had left suddenly the summer before. My destitute mother molded biscuits at Hardees each morning to make enough money to pay rent and buy food to feed four, hungry children. Our run-down, shotgun house in Southern Indiana was the only housing she could afford.

Winter winds threatened to rip through the heavy plastic my mother had duck-taped over the drafty, cracked windows, but my mother’s determination had thwarted the cold, at least partly. We had no money for heat. A simple gas stove would be lit throughout the day, in intervals, so as to warm the downtown stairs to a bearable temperature, but not too much as to run up the gas bill.

My mother had written to her relatives for a place to go or for some money to help. The reply had been a scathing rebuke from one of them. “How could a pastor’s wife get a divorce. So, no, you aren’t welcome here.” My father’s child support checks never showed either. No money. No support.

We were alone.

I had become an emotional wreck, unable to go to high school, because of undiagnosed illness. Sadly, I knew Christmas would come and go with no gifts, though I held in my heart a secret hope of one gift – a boom box. I told no one. I knew my mother would not be able to afford anything, even though she tried to force smiles and decorated a tree as she had always done.

Christmas Eve had come – along with hard, cold darkness which filled the night. My mom gathered my siblings and wrapped them in the warmest clothing we had. She looked back to offer me one last chance to join them, but I waved them on, as they hurried out the door. The firemen in the neighborhood were throwing a Christmas party for all the children on the block, and so my mother had taken my siblings to celebrate.

A little while later, my family hustled back in the house, with unwrapped gifts shoved under their arms and grins from ear to ear. “For you,” my mother said, as she handed me a rectangular, wrapped box. As I took it, the weight caught me off guard. Hurriedly, I unwrapped it, to uncover just what I had wished for – a new, shining (at least that’s how I remember it) boom box!

How did anyone know?

Tears welled in my eyes, as the realization hit me. In the middle of our dire circumstances, God loved me and cared for that simple heart’s desire.

For years, I’ve held that memory close to my heart, as I’ve seen God’s loving faithfulness again and again and again throughout my life.

As you face this Christmas, maybe you are facing loses of family or friendships. We are. May you are processing through unmet expectations or strained relationships. We are too. Maybe you have survived horrific abuse at this time of the year. Me too. I’m a childhood survivor of just about every abuse imaginable. I get the depression and trauma holidays can bring. Maybe there is sickness or disease or even death that has afflicted you or your loved ones this year. We have walked that road as well, especially in recent years.

Christ didn’t come as a King to fix the world. He didn’t come to make our worlds tidy and clean and neat. He didn’t come to fill our trees with presents, though sometimes He chooses to give us that special present to show us how much He cares.

He came to give.

To give Himself.

Lowly. Humbly. Freely.

And He gave us all He had – everything. Vulnerably. Tenderly. Knowing that He would lay down His very life for the sake of love, so that we can live in and through Him forever.

He came to comfort those who are mourning – to give beauty for ashes, a crown of glory, instead of Spirit of despair. He came to deliver us from darkness and bring us into His glorious LIGHT.

Wherever you are this Christmas, whatever you are going through, I want you to know that God sees you. He loves you. He came for YOU. And there is HOPE. For He is our HOPE. And maybe I needed to hear that too.

Much Love. And Merry Christmas.

Silhouette of a person standing in front of a glowing sunrise
Christian living, Family, God encounters, healing, teaching, Uncategorized

The Heat is On

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When the Heat is On, How Do We Beat the Heat
A cat lying in front of a fan, with the caption “It’s sooo hot!”
Literally, we have been running close to 100 degree days here in the south, and there doesn’t seem much end in sight, until those cool breezes begin to blow in fall.  And of course, everyone has been complaining about melting…  Which of course, we really aren’t, but it can feel like that sometimes.

In the spiritual realm, there has always been a battle raging, but in recent months, it has felt like the heat has again risen, and the enemy has been throwing some heavier artillery our way.  The heat of battle has been turned up.  It happens like that, in seasons, in shifts, and changes – particularly when the Lord is giving you new territory – like the Israelites facing off with giants in a new land they have been given.  

There has always been giants standing at the new door ways to our destinies.In the past few posts, I’ve been talking about who were are created to be, and how to find out that God-given design.  The purpose for our design is to fulfill our destinies, which in a nutshell is to release God’s kingdom on earth in the unique way that God has design for you to do.  

“Your kingdom come.  Your will be done.  On Earth as it is in HEAVEN!”

Yet, as you step in to that, it is natural for us to be met with opposition – spiritual opposition, and sometimes, physical and mental opposition.  For several years of my life, the Holy Spirit trained me and utilized that training that God took me and others through to pray over the healing of our land.   I wrote about that in my newest book, “An Intercessor’s Journey: Preparing Our Land for a New ERA”, which you can find here on Amazon.  

Directly, following that period, the Spirit shifted me into a season of deep-diving into other survivors’s lives, as He intentionally brought them across my path.  It is a honor to work with the Spirit to help heal a soul, but man, oh man, has it turned up the heat at times.  

Greater love has no man than this, that He would lay His life down for a friend.   And so, in this season, learning to do that, learning to love others coming out the worst possible situations, has been met with a lot of spiritual warfare.  

Many times, well-meaning people have said, “Oh, you can do that, but I can’t.”  That’s another discussion for another time, but I can honestly say, that I’ve fallen and skinned up my knees so many times during these past three years, that I’ve gotten some pretty, big scars.  The process of helping others has made me face some of my greatest fears.  It has forced me to lay my soul bare many times with my own counselor.  And often, I’ve desperately cried, “Lord, you asked me to this.  But I have no idea what to do, what to say, or how to help.  In fact, everything I do seems to make things worse.”  Have you ever been there?  Have you ever had to face these imperfections in yourself where you have to come to terms with you?

Heat will do that.  Fiery heat will reveal what’s really going inside.  Many won’t allow that.  They run back to their comfortable boxes.  And that’s not a judgment.  Shoot, I love my comfort too, and would stay there if I could, but then I hear the voice of Jesus, my best friend, saying things like “I’ll be your strength.  Look to me.  I’ll help you.  I’m using you to help save another life.”  

And I stand.  Or fall forward.  But I try not to retreat, though I want to sometimes.   Isn’t that what the scripture teaches, “Submit to God.  Resist the devil, by standing, and He will flee.”  James.4:7 and “Therefore put on God’s armor, so that you will be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day, and having done all the crisis demands, to stand firmly in your place.”  Eph. 6:13

The truth sets us free.   In this time of intense heat, I’ve had to dig into what is the truth about what I really believe, because when you are in the heat, you will be challenged on that.  Mind you, this goes way beyond what I’ve been taught in church, because a lot of what I’ve heard from a preacher’s mouth has had a man’s own agenda spun into it.  Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”  – that He came to testify to the truth – and He had left us with a Spirit of truth.  And our sword, the only offensive weapon we have – it is the sword of truth!  

The truth is Jesus.  So, when the heat is turned up, and I feel any sand I may have been standing on slipping away, my feet had better find a solid rock to land on, or I’m going to tossed all over the place.  When the heat is on, when the flood waters rise, my first strategy is to run and hide in Jesus.  Ask Him, “True Lord Jesus, what’s the truth about …”  and listen to His voice.  Ask Him, “Lord Jesus, what scripture verse would you please show me that has the truth about this situation I am facing?”  And listen.  Let Him guide you like that.  He wants way more to help you find the Him, the truth, than you even want to.

If there are things that block the way, then be patient, ask others to pray with you – don’t be a Lone Ranger.  If you ask, and you don’t get an answer, or if the answer doesn’t sound like true love, (That would be the 1 Cor. 13 kind of love), then keep asking.  Keep seeking.  God will meet you, and He will show you Himself.  He is the source of all truth.  And truth will always be embodied in His unconditional love.  

If you don’t believe in God, then I would ask you to do some honest study and searching, because He will make Himself known in unlikely places, if your heart is open to it.  I believe that because I’ve seen that time and time again.  A friend who was once a witch was seeking out truth, and found Jesus, (truth embodied in love) through a guru, who pointed her to Jesus.  Crazy stuff.  The point is God wants us to know Him.  And if we are open to Him, He will find you.  

You can close your eyes and pretend that there’s not a battle, that there’s not a giant standing at the door of your destiny, but that just means the giants win.  

The wiser thing to do, in my opinion, is to seek Jesus, and talk with Him about how He wants to deal with those giants.  Maybe there are lies that you have believed that need to go, and truth that needs to take root in your heart.  Maybe He wants to fight for you, and have you hide inside His love.  Maybe He want you to take your sword and wield it by speaking His word out loud.  Maybe He wants you to play and have fun and eat some cake in front of your enemy.  Maybe He wants you to just rest in His loving arms, while He wars in your behalf.  Maybe He wants you to praise and worship Him  and then have you watch as those giants fall.  He’s creative, and He almost never does the same thing twice.  

We can’t stop the heat from coming.  It will get turned up at different seasons, and the Lord will use it to refine us and to make us more in His image if we will let Him.  He promises that when the heat is turned up, that He will give us a pavilion for shade from the heat, and a place of shelter and refuge for the storms and from the rain.  Is. 4:6

He will deliver us from the giants that stand in the way of our destiny, at the transitions of life, if we will run to Him and trust in Him.  He will wage that war, and help us to walk in freedom with Him.  It won’t be easy, but it will be good.  It won’t always be safe.  He didn’t call us to be safe.  He called us to be His children, and to bring His kingdom here.  Sometimes, that means within our own homes, sometimes within the land we live on, and sometimes in the people He brings across our path.  We can beat the heat, when we look to get up under His shade. 

If you’d like to join in more discussion on this and other topics, as we experience Jesus together, while utilizing the artistic process, come join the Encounter Tribe.  We meet once a month on zoom.  And it’s FREE.  For more info, click here.  

Love to you all.
Sunlight breaking through bright clouds
Christian living, God encounters, healing, Imagination, teaching, Uncategorized, Visions

Resetting Our Imagination

blossomingheartsstudio

In the past few months, I’ve been exploring with you the topic of the power of our imagination and our God-given purpose, which is an essential part of our design.

If you haven’t read those, I would encourage you to go back and catch up.

As with any time in my life that I’ve taught about something, I always get tested in it. I realized this morning, as my brain woke up, that the first thing rushing across my imagination screen was what I call sudden disaster scenarios. And then, I remembered what I’ve been teaching about in my classes and on my blogs about the power of what is playing out on our mind’s eye.

When I was younger and far more in the throws of trying to recover from all the trauma I had endured growing up, my imagination felt more like a freight train, constantly throwing up images of disaster scenarios. So much so, that I planned my days to be within a close range to a hospital. Now, I didn’t frequent hospitals, and if I would have had to go to one, I would actually have been far more triggered with a panic attack of actually being there. Yet back then, that was the state of my mind.

As I have processed through so many traumatic memories and those places inside have come to peace, my mind has settled down most of the time. Commonly, my inner world is mostly quiet, with the occasional alarm going off, to indicate I have something further to process or that there may be legit danger ahead.

In the past several months though, the alarm system inside has been activated much more. Sometimes, with just normal life changes, but also with some large raging fires. Most of the time, the blaring sound inside has been more like a smoke alarm that often goes off in my house, because I’ve been cooking and the kitchen has gotten smoky. Yet, some of the alarms have been based on situations that have been truly precarious and heart-breaking.

And I’ve found myself slipping back into a state of sudden disaster images playing across my imagination screen creating a negative space in my head. I know the purpose of this to keep me from future danger, but it still can be difficult to navigate as it triggers off the fight or flight response inside. Last night was movie night in our house, and I choose to watch Inside Out 2. As I pondered the scene where anxiety took over the control board and everything began to spin out of control, I realized that it is my responsibility to kindly take over the board, and practice what I preach. 🙂

My method of doing so is inviting the true, Lord Jesus into my imagination space with me. I ask Him questions like “What do you want me to know about this, Lord?”, and I wait for His answer. So, this morning, I wrote a list in my journal that went something like this.

“I’m scared of …., Lord Jesus. What do you want me to know about this?” And I went through that list with Him, and allowed Him to speak truth to the lies that were persistently trying to come in and influence my imagination screen.

I also asked Him, meaning Jesus, to wash my imagination screen. That may sound pretty weird, but He has a way of doing this. Not swiping it clean, where I can’t think or see things on it. It kind of gives me a fresh start, as I submit my thoughts to Him.

I also asked Him, “Where do you want me to read in the Bible?” And normally, He gives me a scripture to focus on. Today, though, I didn’t hear anything, yet in my journal are scriptures at the bottom of each page, and no lie, every time I wrote something that I was struggling with the scripture at the bottom was the direct answer to that particular struggle. It was so on point, I finally just stopped in amazement, and pondered, “How do you even do this, Lord?” It’s like He knew the exact moment that I would be writing each thing in my journal, and had someone place each scripture on the very page I would need it.”

And people wonder why I believe in my God like I do?!

At any rate, we all struggle with the thoughts and images that flash across our mind’s eye. It’s where most of our battle is. The enemy seeks to implant lies there, that form our beliefs. Also, our brain is trying to protect us from future danger, which is a great thing, but can result in further driving those negative scenarios into our brain, ending in fight or flight responses.

Yet, God is very present to help us, and to speak truth in place of the lies, which is why believing the truth is so vital. God responds to our faith (our trust in Him), which is founded upon our beliefs, the things we believe to be true. The Lord Jesus desires to engage with us in our imagination to help us to “see” His perspective. Those moments with Him can change everything, because they help us to reset our minds to His truth.

Once such time, I was anxious over BIG things going on in our world that were troubling me. Utilizing my mind’s eye, I checked into ask Jesus what His perspective was. I perceived that we were walking in a garden, and He was untroubled and at perfect peace. I asked Him about the BIG thing I was so worried about, and He showed me the globe, the earth. He was holding it carefully in His hands. He just looked over at me, and said, “I’ve got it.” When He said this, peace enveloped me like a blanket and all my anxiety melted away.

It’s not always that easy. At times, I wrestle with things for months, even years. In the end though, the faster I can come to peace with whatever it is, and entrust it into God’s hands, I can then move forward into my purpose. It doesn’t mean I wait for complete peace every time. Many times, I’ve just obeyed and walked into my purpose with a level of anxiety inside.

There are times in life that we all will struggle to keep our imagination screen on track with positive experiences and receiving and contemplating truth, love, etc..

When that happens, I encourage you to reset your mind on the perspective that Jesus gives, resetting your imagination.

A person resting beside a mountain lake with snow-capped peaks
Christian living, dreams, Family, God encounters, healing, Imagination, teaching, Uncategorized

Understanding Our Design

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Have you ever gazed in wonder at the intricacies of a snow flake or a spider’s web? Stood on the cliff of mountain top peering into the vastness of a valley below?

Felt the icy water of a waterfall stream through your fingers as you noticed how the green moss growing on the rocks squished under the tips of your fingers?

Held a sleeping baby at your breast?

Looked through a high powered microscope at mind-boggling functions of the universe within our cells?

All of creation sings the story of a grand and divine design.

We, also, are designed with an intrinsic, foundation blue prints of our purpose on earth. Many never tap into, nor understand that blue print, but it is there all the same.

That God-given design is expressed through out our personality, learned behavior patterns, talents, and gifts. Yet, like a blue print, it is the plan, the foundation upon which we build our lives on.

I believe our personality can change, and our talents and gifts grow or diminish based on the seasons of our life, experiences, and whether we nurture them or not.

Yet, what we are design for, our purpose for being here is a steady force in our lives, shaping our choices and our future. If cultivated through our creative imagination, (see my last blog on the Exploring Our God-Given Imagination Part 2), it can blossom and grow into something amazing! It’s more than just career choices and ministry opportunities, but a sense of fulfillment for that which you were placed here for – the fulfillment of your destiny.

Several years ago, we took our daughter on a family birthday camping trip to a pristine lake in our area. My practice when in beautiful places is to roll out of bed at the crack of dawn to see the sunrise. This location was not disappointing, as our tent opening faced the direction of the rising sun as it peeked over the mountain tops sparkling on the tips of the waves like millions of diamonds. As I sat on a cold, mossy rock, with my feet dangling, as my toes skimmed the calm surface, the quiet voice of the Spirit whispered in my ear. “Do you know that you are adventurer?”

I laughed to myself, as I thought the Lord was joking with me. “What I countered? I’m the furthest thing from that.”

But, He continued, “I made you to love adventure. I made you to be pioneer. To go places others have not gone before.”

I stopped and pondered.

He continued, “No matter what the location I bring you too, whether a lake, a beach, or mountain top in the rain, you leave the comfort of your warm bed, and you come to be with me at sunrise. Not everyone does that. Look back over all those rocks you just climbed over to sit here on the water’s edge.”

I glanced back over my shoulder. “See, you are an adventurer.”

This new information was tucked into the back of my mind, as I went about my day, but the Lord continued to show me, from then on, that truly a pioneer is a paramount aspect of who He has created me to be, and I need this sense of adventure to be everything He has designed for me to be. I also experienced, through my creative imagination, that this love for adventure was nurtured by the Spirit through the images I would see as I engaged creatively with Him.

Years later, I’ve seen that pioneering spirit in me play out in some very key ways as I fulfill the things God has called me to do and be. It has become apart of my God-given design that I’ve embraced.

I’ve also known others who by design are pioneers. A pioneering spirit or design by default is one who goes before others to make a way. They can be easily labeled as rebellious, non-submissive, and even a having a Jezebel spirit. Often, they are kicked out of churches for not going along with the church leadership on things they clearly have felt the call of the Lord to do differently. In reality, they were designed to pioneer new territory. They often are entrepreneurs, business owners, inventors, creators, etc… They are designed to follow the beat of a different drum, and we need them.

Another thing I’ve realized personally about my design is that I’m a bridge builder. Not literally building bridges, but bridges between people groups. I first realized this when I was in college, though I didn’t really understand anything about how I was wired back then. I always have flowed seamlessly between different friend groups, who were completely interested in opposite things and had opposing personality traits. Once I tried to invite one friend from each group to an event to spend the evening together, and it ended in awkwardness at best. Another time, I went to see the same Christmas lights display three times in one evening, because three different friend groups wanted me to go. I literally would arrive back on campus with one group, and grabbing my hand to pull me towards their car. Comical.

Later, in life, I came to understand that this is apart of my design, to be a bridge builder between diverse groups of people groups, some being culturally diverse people groups. This part of my blue print has enabled me to cross cultural lines for friendship, prayer assignments, and given me a voice to aid in creating unity. I’ve had best friends in the Appalachian community, the African American community, including the Gulla/Gechee of South Carolina, and the Native American community. As of late, it has been building bridges with people in the survivor communities and LGBTQ communities, especially with those hurt through the church. The ability to naturally bridge build between groups of different people has been an essential part of my God-given design.

This too is such an important role for those of who are designed this way to fulfill their purpose. There are so many things in our culture that blaringly shouts to divide and conqueror, so more than ever, so if you are wired to cross-lines and build unity, nurture that design and step into doing that!

The Spirit also will highlight different aspects of our design at different times for certain purposes. Lately, He has highlighted my design for justice. This one has been more challenging for me, because though I am adventurous in many ways, I highly dislike conflict and don’t want to rock the boat. This is primarily due to deep-seated fear from my childhood, that I’ve been rooting out for years. Yet, the more free I’ve become to be truly who I’ve been created to be, the more justice has been a theme.

Much of the prayer assignments that I’ve traversed through the past several years have been highly justice driven, with themes of exposing evil and justice being done for the victims of trafficking and abuse. It you’d like to learn more about that, please check out my newest book, “An Intercessor’s Journey: Preparing Our Land for A New Era”

Presently, the Spirit has me on a journey of personal application of everything I wrote about in that book, except now, I am the one who is having justice given in my behalf. More on that in future posts. Yet, it is mind-blowing how much justice is an integral aspect of my life – literally an essential element of why I am here on this earth.

One of my favorite examples of design, is observed in one of my closest friends. She is designed with a “mothering” blue print. Yes. She is a mom and is excellent at home-making, which I’ve not been the best at. My family have always preferred going to dinner at her home, because of the comfort food and soothing feeling she exudes. Yet, it goes way beyond that. No matter where she is or who she is with, she vibes “mom”. Even strangers pick up on this design. She has on many occasions gone to hug someone, and the person she doesn’t even know melts into her embraces and bursts into tears, because they needed a mother’s love. I can promise you that I’ve never had that happen.

In closing, I encourage you to begin a path of discovery, if you have not already done so, of unwrapping the divine blue print God has placed in you. If you’d like to join others on this journey of discover and more, check out my monthly zoom class called, The Encounter Tribe.

We ALL have a purpose, a God-given design, for our destiny here, and it essential that we begin to uncover that blue print so that we can full everything written about us for this time and season. I really believe that. You are here on purpose, for a purpose, and it is a beautiful plan. Not easy. But beautiful.

Our imagination is the place within us where we can nurture and cultivate that design.

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, for good, not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jer. 29:11

“For you knit me together in my mother’s womb…” Psalm 139:13-15

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Christian living, healing, Imagination, teaching

Exploring Our God-given Imagination: Part 2

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A Little Brain Science

So, just for fun, let’s talk about a little bit of brain science and how the Bible is correlated.

As I navigated the Christian church life, I have heard many, well-meaning Christian leaders quote verses, like in Proverbs 23:7, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”  And in essence, I have been told so many times, that if you have anxiety, or bad images in your head, or struggle with depression, that it is just a thought issue.  And if you just think better thoughts, then you will have peace, joy, love – all the things.  Yet, as much as I tried and believe me, I tried, I could not shake intrusive thoughts, images, panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. 

Usually, when I would share a general view of my struggles, someone would so kindly slip me a list of scripture verses for me to quote.  

And I sincerely appreciated those gestures, and so, I would memorize those scriptures backwards and forwards, and they would help somewhat for a time.  Yet, in a short period, I would be having a panic attack all over again.  I just couldn’t understand what was wrong with me.  

What I’ve learned many years later in my healing journey is that our spirit, brain, soul, and body are extremely inter-connected, and there are many things that play upon our imagination, that come from subconscious places stored “in our heart”.

I am no expert on brain science, but the little bit that I have come to understand is fascinating and has put pieces together for me, so that I can be at peace with how I am wired, and I can begin to work with my God-given system, as God brings healing in and through my whole being.  

So, in the right side of our brain sits the right amygdala, and it is like our early warning signal about danger coming.  It remembers those dangerous scenarios of life, so that we will be kept safe, like a safety net.  God didn’t intend for us to live out of this place, but it is designed to keep us out of trouble.

Think of a child that touches a hot stove.  The memory of the event is stored here, and it reminds us that it’s not wise to touch a hot stove again, lest we experience pain.  In an effort to keep us safe, this part of our brain can actually highjack our imagination screen and put up images of future negative events that have not happened yet.  A person who has experienced lots of traumatic experiences can automatically have more negative images coming up, because their brain is trying to prevent them from getting hurt again.  

One example of this is when I am driving a car.  I have had vestibular damage in one of my ears, thus the motion of driving can make me feel a little dizzy.  Sometimes, though that feeling triggers back to places in my subconscious, where I’ve been dizzy before and bad things have happened.  So, for a long period of time when I was driving, images of the car flipping over or me wrecking the car in some dramatic way flashed across my imagination screen.  This isn’t a helpful use of my imagination, because a panic attack ensued directly after.  

As I’ve continued to learn more about how I’m wired, I’ve learned how to nurture the other side of my brain, even when driving, which shifts the atmosphere in my brain.  Here’s how.

The left side of our brain where the left amygdala lies is where we live out of the God-given design.  It rewards us by remembering the things that are essential to our design.  As God nurtures our design, we respond with love to God.  This is where the love is stored in our memories, because it where our design comes alive, and we find out how we are wired from this place.  Love, empathy, compassion – these can be nurtured from this part of our brain and also can project positive images of a hopeful future and good things happening in our lives.

We can intentionally refocus our brain onto the positive.  Like when I’m driving and the negative images come, now I take a deep breath, and out loud say, “Wow, look at that blue sky and those beautiful, white fluffy clouds.”   As I do that, I am literally refocusing my brain to operate out of the left amygdala, and as I do, the feelings of the car flipping over, fade.  My brain has now switched to engaging the left side, that all is safe, and there is something pretty to look at.

I, then, can take it a step further and intentionally remember other blue skies that I’ve experience before, thus further engaging my amazing imagination.  

Occasionally, though there can be some demonic interference, which that is the moment to use my authority give to me by Jesus. If that is the case, then shortly after taking authority over those spirits, my mind returns to peace.

A little more science:  the amygdala sits on top of the vagal nerve, which signals our body into either a state of peace, fight or flight, or into shut down mode.  Interestingly, there are physical ways to actually stimulate the vagal nerve as well to bring us back into a state of calm.  

A simple, low tone hum stimulates the vagal nerve and automatically begins to calm the nervous system down. 

With the vagal nerve at the top of our spine, the parasympathetic nervous system runs downward to connect the brain to the heart.  Let’s look back at the verse, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” 

Well, get this….

Some recent studies…

“The human heart comprises an intrinsic nervous system that has the capacity to modulate short-term and long-term memory functions (Aru et al., 2012). It contains approximately 40,000 neurons, specifically sensory neurites. Sensory neurites are basically specialized nerve fibers throughout the heart which regulate cardiac activity.” – National Library of Medicine

“Emerging studies now suggest that changes in the body can also manipulate our emotions. A sudden heart rate increase, for instance, may generate feelings of anxiety even if no external threat is present.” – Body to Brain Connection: How Our Hearts Influence Our Emotions by William A. Haseltine

“Other studies were suggesting that subconscious memories are stored in the heart.  The heart is also directly connected to the vagal nerve, which controls our fight or flight responses.” – Google AI summary

Back to the Proverbs.

“For as he thinks within himself, so is he.  He says to you, ‘Eat and drink!  But his heart is not with you.”  Prov. 23:7  

In light of this, this verse, in context, is really talking about the hidden motives going on in a man’s heart.  It’s way more than just thoughts going around in our head.  

Growing up in church, that verse had been twisted to me to mean, be careful what you think, because if you think the wrong thing, you will become evil.  So, it had been taught from a place of fear, not love, and taken out of context.  

Of course, it is important what we think.  In Phil. 4, it talks about not worrying and then, it goes on to talk about thoughts that are good for us to focus on.   “Whatever is pure, lovely, of a good report…think on these things.”  

There is just way more going on inside of us, than just controlling our thoughts.  Even in our own physical heart, subconscious memories reside.  There are solid reasons behind why it is important what we nurture, especially in our God-given imagination.  

In my next blog, we will dive into the biggest misconceptions that I’ve seen in my experiences regarding our imagination… 

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Christian living, Family, God encounters, Uncategorized, Visions

The Two Thrones

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This post gently touches on themes of church abuse and anger. Take your time, and be kind to yourself as you read.

By Carolyn “Charismata” Weaver

Anger raged inside of me, as someone I loved shared that church abuse not only had wrecked her faith in God, but that she had not even told me the half of what had happened to her.

We are living in a time when the airways are pregnant with offense.

As a believer in Jesus, who has traversed an extremely uphill battle in my own healing journey, understanding how to walk in forgiveness, yet also how not spiritually by pass my God-given emotions with the purpose of making righteous judgments and decisions has been like a giant pendulum, often swinging one way and then another.

Story after story of horrible trauma and abuse, especially sexual, most often by church leadership or on church property, that should be most of all safe places, fill the news. Church leader after church leader have fallen and will continue to, as God has promised a great cleansing of His house will occur in this season.

Beyond that, people have continuously been pitted against each other. And many times, my ears have been filled with blanket statements of “All Christians are …”, or “All gays are…”, or “All white people are…”, or “All black people are…”, or “All politicians are…” Fill in the blanks.

We seemingly are blinded to the battles that are raging in the unseen realm. “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, against powers, against world forces of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly supernatural places.” Eph. 6:12

Personally, I’ve processed through many of instances of deep, dark trauma, as well as bearing the story of many other precious souls as we together look to Jesus for healing.

So, many times, it has felt like it would easier to just not know one more story. To bury my head in the sand or turn my head the other way, to have even kept my own heart sealed up – sometimes seems like it would have saved so much heart ache for myself.

Yet, the pain is there. The ache is there. Hiding from it doesn’t produce anything good. Just more delayed pain.

The hidden places – it’s where lies live. In the darkness. In the dark recesses of my soul, where I’ve not let the light in yet, not let the story to be told. It is where I still can be held captive.

Freedom comes through Jesus. Freedom comes from letting His light in, His truth in.

One of my life verse has been “I acknowledged my sin to You, and my inquiry I did not hide. I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord (continually unfolding the past til all is told), then You instantly forgave me…” Psalms 32 AMP Classic

I know the best way is to step into the light. So, I am…

For the past two decades, I have asked Jesus to come into some very horribly dark places in my past. My father had been a pastor when I was growing up, yet he invited every perversion possible into our home – to the point that I was forced to live two, very different lives – the life of the good, little Christian pastor’s daughter who presented very well, made good grades, and sang in the choir and the life of the shatter child who was forced to participate in satanic rituals and was trafficked to whoever my father wanted to make a quick buck with. And it’s not just my story. It’s the story of many, many precious ones. (For more of that healing journey and how Jesus has walked me out of that, you can check out https://forthesilencedones.wordpress.com, and my husband also gave an excellent interview on his point of view with Lisa Meister, which you can find on my website, here.)

Many have asked me how could you even have stayed in the church all these years? Stayed a Christian even? When so many, seem to leave their faith for so little, in comparison?

Well, that is a complicated answer. For many years, it was because I was afraid not to. Afraid God would zap me, like my fire and brimstone pastor/father taught me. Beyond that though, as a teen I met a real God, a real Holy Spirit, and on my healing journey, I met the “REAL JESUS”. He’s not anything like my father growing up had taught me. Jesus is kind, good, patient, real love, real compassion.

On the healing journey, I also learned the power of forgiveness. The power of releasing people and horrible things that had happened to into the hands of the only one who could hold such offense. God.

I know many people have different opinions about forgiveness. Some think you must ask for it. Others almost say “I forgive you.” to just by-pass the wrongs that have been done, with no consequences. Neither of these are what I’m talking about.

See, Jesus on the cross offered forgiveness to anyone and everyone who would receive it, but He doesn’t force it on anyone either. They have to receive it. “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing.” Stephen later followed His example. And even in the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus said, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive those who have sinned against us.”

It doesn’t mean that there are not consequences to those actions though. Someone who commits crime, still may need to serve some jail time. And the foundation of the throne of God is justice. So…

Justice means making a wrong, right. Oftentimes, part of the consequences of wrong behavior is having to make whatever you did wrong, right to the best of your ability.

There is something really powerful about forgiving or releasing people and evils done to us into the “Righteous Judges” hands, because only He can rightly judge. I know this. I’ve seen Jesus walk me through this time and time again, and it releases me. It helps me to heal.

Yet, Jesus, God, gets angry. Scripture is clear that the Holy One, who is perfect love, hates evil. For those who say that we are to live unoffended, well, Jesus didn’t. He was certainly offended at evil. He was especially offended at the Pharisees, and He let them know it by calling them “Sons of their father, Satan.”, and other unpleasant names. He was offended at the evil in His day.

Evil, violation of God’s moral laws, makes Him very angry, because it hurts us. He loves us, and anything that hurts us, hurts Him. I don’t believe that He wants us to by pass those emotions, stuffing them away, in order to live this peaceful life all the time.

Hearing about a child who has been molested by a pastor should shoot your anger out the roof. If we don’t have a reaction to evil, no one will be motivated to do something about it. The reaction of anger and disgust is appropriate, and justice for the victims should be dealt to the abusers. By-passing our emotions, which are God-given, can swing us into complacency, which will then allow these atrocities to continue. That’s not the heart of God.

He wants us to feel those things, to take action if need be, like to report it to the police, but then to release the people involved to Him, because again, He is the one who can handle them.

Ephesians 4:25-26 AMP says “Be angry at sin – at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior, yet do not sin; don’t let your anger cause you shame, nor allow it to last until the sun goes down. And don’t give the devil an opportunity to lead you into sin by holding a grudge, or nurturing anger, or harboring resentment, or cultivating bitterness.”

I have been able to walk this out better when the offenses perpetrated were against me, than I have when someone I love that has been wronged.

So, I didn’t even see this coming. I was enraged when I hung up the phone with my loved one. I wanted to go hit a tree or throw some toilet paper against a wall. I knew something was very wrong inside of my heart, so I attended a prayer meeting, to ask for help.

One woman timidly said, “Jesus, show her what’s in her inner temple that needs to be cleansed.” And that simple prayer did the job.

In the last several years, we have walked through two major church crisis. The first one had felt like an ugly divorce of church family that we loved dearly. Offense, selfishness, egos, and division had set in, which led to a hurtful split.

The second had appeared as if a con-artist (not a judgment, just the best one word description I could think of to describe how it felt) had taken the pulpit and had twisted the meaning of spiritual authority to the point that all had to bow to his wishes or be excommunicated. And that’s exactly what happened. We began to try to speak up, and our family was excommunicated, along with many others as they spoke out through out the past few years.

At the time that we had left the church, we had tried to address things Biblically by going to the elders for help, when we had been denied access to the pastor. At that point, we were shut down by the elders as well, so leaving felt like our only recourse. In recent months, the tables changed.

I thought I had forgiven these people and released them to Jesus many times. But when I hung up that phone with one that I love dearly and heard the depth of pain she still carried and saw the path of destruction it was leading too, I raged inside.

The pastor of that former church had recently been fired, and we had responded with a letter, explaining the hurt the church leadership had caused, because the current leadership had requested it. I decided to reread the letter I had sent, to see if there was a clue as to what needed to be cleansed in me.

And then I saw it like a laser beam… Blame.

I had judged the entire past and current leadership at that church as being the ones to BLAME for the choices of those who had been hurt.

Everyone has choices to make. Even when evil is perpetrated on us, we all have a choice with how we handle that. What I had done was lay all the blame at the feet of the church leadership as a whole, not just the pastor who had just been fired. And it was flat out wrong to do that.

Shocked that I had so easily fallen for the same hook, line, and sinker, I quickly begged God to further show me what I had done. I could still feel the weight of the rage in me.

That following weekend, I listened as a friend spoke on “offense” at a women’s conference. As she spoke, in her southern accent, I clearly heard her say, “Don’t let ‘a fence’ build up.” Over and over, that’s all I could hear was “a fence”, and then it occurred to me that whenever I hold onto “offense”, it creates “a fence”, which separates me from others. In order to have unity, we have to be willing to tear down “the fences” that we have built, and be a bridge builder, not an “a fence” builder.

A couple of days later, I still sought Jesus to show me further what was in my heart, because the feelings of deep seated anger still rose in my heart every time I thought about the church situation. All of a sudden, I saw Jesus, in my mind-eye, gently offer His hand to me. I looked down to see myself sitting on a throne, a seat. With great compassion, I heard the Lord say, “Sweetheart, you’ve slipped into the judgment seat.” He had tears in his eyes as He continued. “This seat next to you would be much more comfortable.” I glanced beside me to see another golden, padded seat next to me. Both appeared very similar in size and design. I took His hand, to reseat myself as He suggested. “This is the mercy seat. It’s a much better position to view life from.”

I burst into tears, profusely asking forgiveness for taking the judgment seat. He smiled at me, and said “The mercy seat is the much wiser choice to sit in, to view life though, and to make judgments from.” I nodded, and quickly sat down in the mercy seat. I had chosen this seat many times before in my healing journey. It shocked and sadden me that I had made a gravely, wrong choice, without even consciously being aware of it.

The next day, I determined in my heart to revisit the church property from where the hurt had occurred. I decided to go to the gym first to help get out some frustrations I was still feeling. I randomly hit play on YouTube, and these words began to play.

“I’ve been the judge. I’ve been the assuming that I know what’s best. Forgive me. Father, forgive me. I sought my own justice. I said in my own heart, I’ll do it my way instead. Forgive me. Father, forgive me. Back to the mercy seat, Lord, I am running. I’m running…” – Lyrics to Mercy Seat by Kim Walker Smith, Jun. 2024

I was stunned. I listened to it on repeat the rest of the day. I could feel the shift in my heart, and the weight of the judgment lifted. It was like a fog dissipated from my eyes, a clouded lens was removed that I had been viewing the world through. Finally, I could see clearly again, which I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t seeing clearly before.

That is the nature of deception. When you are deceived, you can’t see it.

I followed through with a prayer walk around the old church property. Immediately, I jumped into my own thoughts and petitions, but I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit in my heart, say, “Stop and listen to what I have to say.”

So, I did. And I heard the words of a compassionate Father who loved that land and the people on that land who had served Him well, who did still have pure hearts and yearned for a genuine move of His Spirit. I also felt His deep hurt over those who had been hurt and even those who had been deceived into hurting others.”

I questioned whether or not I should walk a lonely trail that bordered the back fence and ran along the property line. As I did, a huge white hawk with black stripes swooped over my head and landed at the entry to the trail, seemingly waiting for me to come. As soon as I reached the entrance, it swooped again into the forest behind the building.

This time as I walked, I came into agreement with all the Lord had said, and as I reached the end a huge rock graced the path, so I sat on it, and quietly whispered a prayer to see the hawk again, if I was on track. I decided to release all the remaining judgments and pain that I felt I needed to while sitting on the rock. With tears streaming down my face, I listed off offense after offense not just towards me but toward all those I love as well. Again, this was not about holding accountable those who had done wrong or not. That had already been done and was at that point out of my hands. It was about releasing what had been done and the people who through it had come from to Jesus and allow Him to judge it.

The moment I finished, the hawk swooped in front of me once more and off of the property. Peace filled me. As I walked back across the parking lot to my car, I could feel the presence of angels coming to fulfill the purposes that God had intended all along. I slipped into an unlocked prayer chapel by my vehicle and left a simple note on the table that read, “I forgive you.”

As we face so many painful exposures going on in our world right now, which is only going to increase in the days to come, because God is the one bringing it, the posture of our heart is super important. In our inner court, are two thrones – the Judgment Seat or the Mercy Seat. It’s up to us to decide which throne to sit on, to view our life through, and to make decisions from.

Choose wisely.

Waterfall cascading through white mist
Christian living, Family, God encounters, prophecy, Uncategorized, Visions

No Shrines This Time

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A year and a half ago, I stood on the grounds of where part of the second great awakening occurred – the home of the Cane Ridge Revival, which is less than an hour from Ashbury, where the current outpouring of God’s spirit is just starting.

While walking the grounds at Cane Ridge that day, I felt like I was in two places at once. Standing by an old worn, wooden fence, I could almost see the fiery preacher standing on the mound in the middle of the cow pasture. In the center of the grounds stood an antique, 1800’s camp-meeting building which was now enshrined in a more modern structure. This revival had begun when different denominations had gathered together to pray in unity. Amazingly, the Holy Spirit fell and the flow that came from it affected the world.

More on the Cane Ridge Revival – https://www.christianitytoday.com/history/issues/issue-45/revival-at-cane-ridge.html

As I’ve listened to the reports of the Ashbury revival getting underway, what has stood out to me is that no one man is leading it. It is being led by Jesus. It is primarily the younger generation, multi-cultural, multi-denomination all in unity making room for the presence of the Lord in ongoing worship for ten days now. It is spreading fast like a wildfire, an outpouring like Niagara Falls (see Kathie Walter’s post about that on Facebook).

Recently, when I’ve been on college campuses, in my Spirit, there has been this overwhelming anticipation of God showing up. I also just wrote about this next move coming through the younger generation here – https://blossomingheartsstudio.com/2023/02/01/designed-with-purpose

The Lord has been saying for some time now through many voices that God’s spirit will be poured out in many places, some you would not expect, in homes, in businesses, in churches, on college campuses. It reminds me of our own journey of finding the Holy Spirit in multiple different places. From Episcopal to Methodist to Baptist to Charismatic to everything in between God’s spirit is on the move. For more of our own journey, read here. https://wholeheartedwomen.org/2019/04/27/unexpected-journey/

Back to the day we visited Cane Ridge, as I came around the corner of the building which housed the original camp-meeting structure, the Holy Spirit boomed in my spirit, “This next move of My Spirit will not become a shrine! No man will be able to put their hand on it. No man will be able to claim it and make it about them or their kingdom. I am done with man’s shrines!” No lie, as I careened around that last corner of the building and sauntered up to the locked, wooden doors, I squinted to read the words on the plaque in front of the building. There, imprinted in pewter, were the words “The Cane Ridge Shrine”. I gasped.

This next move will not have man’s hands on it. It will not be about a man or a man’s kingdom. It will be about Jesus. It will be about Jesus’s Kingdom. And it will sweep our nation and the world, beginning with our youth, like the most huge waterfall gushing rapidly.

We are entering the age of the Waterbearer (the Holy Spirit) being poured out without measure, and the Lion of the Tribe of Judah roaring. The enemy can not stop that.

This, my friends, I believe, is the beginning of what we have been waiting for, longing to see our whole lives. Don’t try to control it, put a dam on it, or manipulate it in anyway. Just jump on in it!

With much love and anticipation

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Christian living, dreams, Family, God encounters, Visions

My Birthday Blog – The Gift of Today

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As I sit here to write this, I don’t fully grasp the hope I feel in my heart, an odd peace, an unshakable faith. This year has already held a few emergency runs to the ER with friends and extended family. Already held a few hands during some very challenging events. I’ve found myself grappling with some evil schemes on levels I didn’t want to believe were possible.

It’s only Feb. 1st. And it’s my birthday.

I’ve already been stretched beyond what I’ve felt capable of.

And yet, I’ve not felt forgotten or alone or helpless. I’ve felt held. Even now, I see Jesus smiling at me in my mind’s eye speaking hope that everything is going to be just fine. He doesn’t see things the way we do, does He?

In my processing of the past 53 years of being on this planet, I’ve asked many “whys” of the Lord. I’ve heard people tell me that that question is not a good question to ask the Almighty, and yet, I’ve never felt the Lord upset with me for doing so. And there have been times He has answered that. Most of the answers revolve around shifting my perspective to seeing things through His eyes, which is much different than mine.

I remember one such moment, when I asked Him about some current events that seemed so very overwhelming, and I saw Him walk up to me with the globe in His hand like a ball, with a cheesy smile on His face. He just communicated to me that He was in control. I was not. And that was OK. I could trust Him. He’s got this.

That’s difficult to see though when your one of best friends has just found her daughter unresponsive, and you are standing in an ER room holding tightly to her hand. It can be difficult to see when you are tenderly cupping the other hand of your spiritual papa who has been told he is now on hospice, while you pray for every moment of his life to be fulfilled. Or when you kiss your mama’s forehead and tell her I’ll see you soon, as she meets Jesus. Or when you are swimming in a sea of anger, because once again Jesus asks you to let Him into a new level of pain in your heart.

And yet, faith keeps rising – faith (trust) in a loving, compassionate, good God who keeps changing my perspective.

You know I once thought I’d never make it to 40 years old, and truly I’ve been almost taken out multiple times in these 50 some years. I’ve walked through some extremely hot fires, and traversed waters that I thought would surely wash me away, and yet, God’s unfailing love and goodness keep chasing me down. Ps. 23

I got up early this morning to go to breakfast with my family and a friend, just as the sun rose. You all know I love a beautiful sun rise. Jesus spoke to me a few months ago, that as one day is ending the next has already begun. What hope there is in that! A new day, a new horizon, a new hope has already begun even as the day is fading.

Recently, during a different hospital visit, someone I love who faced major surgery said “People tell me that I need to stop smoking. That it will kill me some day.” I wondered where the conversation was going. “But I say, every day is a gift, and I might as well live it up how I want too.”

Sadness pricked my heart, and I kindly responded, “You know, every day is a gift. But I rather live each day to bless and help someone else.” That statement is not to say how great I am. I am not all that. Yet, I just don’t want to live this life to make myself feel good, for my pleasure, and benefit. I mean I like all those things. But I want something more. I want my life to have a positive effect on this world around me. I want to shine light in the darkness.

I want to be there to hold my friend’s hand and stand in rock-solid faith with her as she faces the impossible, because we love the God of the I aM Possible. I want to be there to speak life to my friend who just got the death sentence and see that through the eyes of eternity. I want to spend time crying with the survivor who went through hell on earth, like I did, and then show who Jesus really is. I want to love my own kids well, and show them that life is worth living, and fighting for, and there is a bigger picture than just me, trying to gain things for myself. I want to love my husband every day, showing him value for who he is in my life.

You know, I have a feeling that there are going to be many more challenges to traverse in the coming seasons, and yet, I see and feel this faith and hope growing in a good, good God who loves us unconditionally, who is not surprised by what happens, but instead, He holds the playbook, and I can trust Him.

I can lean back into His great love, and just BE, because I know He’s got this! And that is my birthday wish for you too. Lean back into His great love for you, and live each day as a gift to be used to bring some light to this dark, dark world. Love you all so much friends!