A tall waterfall in a green forest
Christian living, Family, God encounters, prophecy, Uncategorized, Visions

Designed with Purpose

The first section of this blog is the second part of the word I felt the Lord gave me at the beginning of December. (There are several parts to it, which I believe the Lord will have me release at different times.)

The words are as I heard them in quotation marks, because I want to honor God’s voice as I perceive it, and don’t want to add my own interpretation to it. Following that though, I do feel prompted to flesh it out a little. Obviously, I am human, and I may be off, and this is not the canonized scripture, but I believe it carries the heart of the scripture. I also look for outside confirmation of words, and it was immediately confirmed. This is as I heard it.

“You are truly at the brink of the greatest outpouring this world has ever seen of. My glory.  My Holy Spirit is being poured out with out measure in this last time.  There will a great wave, a great influx of soul.  Like the waves of the oceans, they will be swept into the kingdom.”

“This generation, this generation that has had identity theft coming against them, this generation though they have been turned over to the enemy for a season, this generation will be the ones to rise up and throw that Jezebel lying spirit off the balcony.  Eunuchs did it in my Word, and again those who have lost their sexual identity, these very ones will run to the Lamb of God, be forgiven of their trespasses and rebellion, they shall know their true identity in Christ, and they will cast off the Jezebel that has sought to steal their identity to cut off their generations.  That pride flag will be torn down, and a spirit of humility will sweep this nation.”

This generation has certainly had identity theft committed against them, and many, many have bought it hook, line, and sinker. I truly believe as this generation of young people have the blinders pulled off their eyes, and they begin to see that they were deceived by agendas that have sought to steal, kill, and destroy them – not just their sense of self (of their individual identity), but also to cut off their generations (families from being formed and babies from being born) – that they will rise up and throw off that lying spirit as the Eunuchs did to Jezebel in 2 King’s 9:33.

What do I mean by identity theft?

In 2022, a suspension bridge in India that had been designed and built during the British rule many decades before collapsed with 100’s of people plummeting into the river below killing over a 100 of them. The bridge had been structurally sound when built, but in recent times fallen into disrepair. Engineers had shut down the structure to repair the damage, but they did so in a hurry, and with no regard to things like weight limits. After a short few months, the bridge was reopened right before a festival. As hundreds crowded the bridge, the cables began to give way under the weight crashing into the water below.

Much like this bridge, God has an original design that works, and it has worked and will work for eternity. His original design is family – a man and a woman in covenant procreating children. Over time, mankind has damaged that structure, creating pain and hurt from broken covenants, abusive behavior, etc.. This has caused the need for repair. Instead of going back to the original design and restoring the bridge to what the original intent was, we have tried to in our own rebellion against God, or even with the belief that God no longer exits, made the bridge the way we wanted or to different standards, even changing the look of the bridge entirely, and as a result it doesn’t hold weight. It will eventually collapse, because the structure is not sound.

What does Jezebel have to do with it? I really don’t like throwing around the Jezebel spirit word, but Jezebel. as the person in the scriptures, was a cruel, manipulative, controlling ruler. The spirit of this age many times has those controlling and manipulative attributes. In scripture, Jezebel even intimidated the prophet Elijah who had called fire down from heaven, causing him to run, questioning his call and identity. That spirit always cause identity theft. Isn’t that the same thing happening today? People questioning their identity, their calling, floundering around not knowing who they are, why they are here, and what they are to do with their lives.

Some would look at God – the great three in one – and say well, where is the design of family in God? Yet the Trinity is actually the perfect picture of what family is supposed to look like. This may rock your thoughts a bit, but study this out for yourself. God is family. He didn’t procreate the Son. He was always already present in the Godhead, but consider this. God is three in one – God, the Father; God, the Son (Jesus); and God, the Holy Spirit (mother). Now, wait a minute. God is not female? Right?

In the Old Testament, the Hebrew pronoun for the Holy Spirit is in a feminine form, meaning the Jewish culture attribute the female qualities to the Holy Spirit. Some qualities listed about the Holy Spirit are comforter, helper, friend, wind, the dove, peace-giver, the one who hovers, gives life, and creates. Sounds like a mother to me? In Genesis, the word says that God created man and woman in His image, which is a male and female image. The Trinity represents the purest form of the perfect family structure.

I understand that some may read this and say that I’m not educated or that I’m judging people. The fact is I have several people who I love dearly who have lived alternative lifestyles. I have seen the short and long-term fruit of those who have accepted the changes in original design. In fact, I recently asked an honest question to a precious friend who had been in an alternative lifestyle for decades. My question was in all these years, have you known anyone in your circles that have had good, long lasting fruit, meaning long term peace, love, joy, happiness from it? She thought and thought. Her answer was “No. Everyone I know is still searching to fill that hole in their heart. Everyone I know is dealing with depression, suicide, drugs, alcohol, etc., and are searching for peace.”

To the opposite, I also have seen that as people have received the true love and truth about who God has created them to be as a daughter of God, that their sexual identity automatically begins to changed intended for it to be. The way they think and feel begins to change, and their lives begin to bear good, long lasting fruit, like joy, peace, love. Depression, anxiety, suicide fall away, as they live in who God created them to be. Sexual identity is almost a by-product, as they grasp their calling as a son or daughter of the living God.

I too have gone through some of those changes, because having been raised in a extremely sexually abusive environment, being female for many years did not felt safe to me. So I believed that it was safer to carry extra weight, and to dress down. This is super common among abuse survivors. Yet, as I realize more and more who God has created me to be and that I’m safe being a female, I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I desire to wear make-up and look pretty.

I don’t come from a stand point here of pointing my finger. My heart is full of compassion for the people standing on the broken bridge. In fact, a person who identified as A-sexual recently asked me why did I think I had authority to speak into this topic. My answer was pretty simple. I do understand many of the thought processes that lead to those beliefs, and I have compassion on those who don’t understand who God has created them to be, because I’m still growing in that myself. I know how strong lies,and hurts can be driven into a heart. But I know the healer of the broken heart, and I’ve seen how He can change lives around, and give people a whole new identity in Him.

I firmly believe that God created us – all of us with design – a design that was actually made after His image. Gen. 5:2, Mark 10:6 Obviously, mankind has screw that up through many things – drugs, genetic manipulation, rebellion against the original design, etc.. And sometimes, there is not a pat, easy answer to the screw ups. Mankind has sought to reinvent the bridge. It has since the beginning. Pride resulting in rebellious fists against the creator has led to many falling to their death off a broken bridge that can’t hold weight.

Yet, this is why Jesus came. He came to make a way for us to be back in a family. A real family. A way to be back in fellowship and relationship with the perfect Father, Mother, and Big Brother. And when we find our place in that family, He will show us who He has really created us to be.

I believe in this generation those blinders will come off, and this generation will be able to see truth, and they will throw off the lies and the agenda that has sought to destroy them and their generations. That will happen as they come to know the real Jesus, who loves them and cares for them like no other, and who has made the way for them to be apart of His family.

Part of this great move of God I believe will come from just this – thousands and thousands realizing their true identity in Jesus, throwing off their pride flag, and humbling themselves before God, receiving true love, so perfect that it casts out the fear and manipulation and the lies. I’ve seen it with a few. Many more are going to follow. God will raise them up, just as He did those Eunuchs, and they will overthrow the very system that has held them captive.

 

Hands holding glowing sparklers in the dark
Christian living, Family, Seasonal, Uncategorized

Reflections of 2022

At some point during the past three years, I realized we are not playing the same game anymore. I’ll dive into that more in my next blog. With this realization that the game (the times we are living in) are changing rapidly, the Holy Spirit has been leading me into new ways of doing things.

When you own a business or ministry, there should be a gradual evolving into new things. With several things like my classes, there has not been another model for me to go by, so it truly has been a step by step leading of the Holy Spirit. If you’ve taken a class, you know what I mean!

As I’ve reflected back on this past year, my heart is filled with gratitude for the many opportunities of ministry that I’ve stepped into. I so value the trust that others have put into what we are being led to do.

Here are some highlights of what the Lord did in and through our business. I wish I could share individual stories, because those are what matter most, but those stories are for those people to share. We had so many more God moments than I could ever number, and as a community I see each of us moving closer towards maturing and growing into all God wants for us. What a blessing to walk alongside of so many amazing people, and to have a small part in their stories of overcoming and becoming the person God made them to be.

Highlights:

  • Continued to do monthly art classes with Switch (a local organization that helps people out of sex trafficking)
  • Spoke at several conferences and events (Special thanks to Called to Peace, SC Aglow, and Georgia Shaffer for allowing me the opportunity to minister to your groups.)
  • Had the honor of sharing part of my testimony with Adena Hodges on her podcast called “Testimony Mountain” on YouTube.
  • Ran several 6 week art classes called “The Invitation” Encounter Class
  • Established the monthly Encounter Art Class
  • Met with many one on one, prayer ministry time, which is the greatest thing to see someone encounter Jesus and who He has created them to be
  • Created several commissioned art pieces and reproductions
  • Taught special themed encounter classes for events
  • Published a new book, “The Bride Arising: A Vision of a Bridal Journey”
  • Painted live at two youth events, which was challenging, yet a blast!

My reason in listing these things, is to give you more of an idea what we are about and doing. I’m grateful for each opportunity, and for the beautiful people who I’ve met along the way.

As we look to a new year, I’m reminded that each day is a gift. We can use that day to please ourselves, to live for ourselves, and what matters most to us. Or some of us can just mundanely do the same thing every day, without thought much about it. Or we can live the gift of today with thoughtful intent to reach out and love someone else that God has placed in our lives. I want to do the latter as much as I can.

Make each day count by loving those in your life well, and you will find yourself surrounded by those who love you in return. May your 2023 be filled with the gifts of friendship, identity in Christ, and knowing how much you are loved and cared for by God. You matter. Your story matters. Make it a great one!

Much Love,

Carolyn

A person gently cradling a baby wrapped in a cream knit blanket
Christian living, Family, God encounters, Seasonal

Embrace the Baby

Playfully, a new friend of mine changed her voice as she mimicked the tones of the shepherds, the wise men, Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, and even the sheep as she individually held the pieces of our antique manger sitting on our coffee table. We belly laughed as she retold the story through cracked, chipped characters tip tapping the glass top through the hay straw.

Joseph and Mary stood staring at the holy infant keeping their distance with their hands crossed over their chest in a stiff, lifeless stance as Baby Jesus lay still in the most holy, untouchable way safely tucked a few feet away.

“Oh, Look at the Son of God laying there. He is so holy,” said Joseph in her deep, husky man’s voice.

“Yes, Joseph. Isn’t Jesus so perfect?! Don’t touch Him,” Mary sighed in my friend’s best squeaky high voice, “Just look at Him.”

The shepherds and sheep stood at a distance. “Such a wondrous sight. The savior of the world. The angels just told us about it. But we will stand over here so as not to disturb Him.”

The sheep said, “Bahh!” in return. We laughed again.

As the giggles died down, I turned to face my friend and said, “But isn’t this how most people really treat Jesus, and the whole Christmas story? Isn’t this how most religious institutions have portrayed the Messiah? Someone to be seen from a distance – holy, perfect, untouchable. Seen, but not touched.”

She sighed, “Yes, babies are meant to be cuddled, embraced, held close to your heart. They melt the hard things inside us when we do.”

And it’s the same with Jesus. He wants you to hold Him close to your heart, to let Him into the deep places inside of you, to allow His love to melt the hard.

Yet, to do so, we must embrace Him. We must open our hearts to receive His love, trusting Him that His love will be safe.

We can stay at a distance admiring His holiness, and perfectness, making Him untouchable. He won’t force us to come close, but if we refuse to, we will never truly know Him, never truly know His love.

Love is not sterile. It’s not distant. It is so intimate, so close, so vulnerable – kind of like holding a newborn in your arms – close to your breast, against your heart. So, close you hear each others heartbeat. This is the way Jesus is meant to be embraced. One with you. One with Him.

And His love will heal you. It will embrace you back. It will soothe, and melt your heart, giving you a new heart. His love will accept you, and show you who He has created you to be all along, from the beginning of time. His love will set you free.

Will you draw close to Jesus this Christmas?

Take a step closer to the risen Savior. He is not in the manger any more. He is alive. He came to give His life for you, because He loves you.

Love compels us to pick up the baby in the manger, to embrace the baby close to your heart and let Him melt all the hard places away.

He loves you so very much!

Merry Christmas!

Person wearing bright orange knitted socks
Christian living, Family, Seasonal, Uncategorized

Socks for Jesus

A repost of my favorite Christmas story

By: Carolyn Charismata Weaver

“Blue light special on aisle nine.  Children’s shoes for ten dollars,” boomed the man’s voice over the speaker.  Shoppers turned their buggies eagerly towards the ominous blue light spinning around and around illuminating the narrow aisle.

Sarah, my three year-old, and I continued our Christmas shopping for her daddy and baby sister ignoring the people pushing by. 

Passing the Christmas trees decked in colored lights, we slowed down, as she declared, “Pretty Mama!”  Then she clapped her hands to “Frosty, the Snowman”, as I pressed the red nose of the famous character for the second time.  The toy’s hips swung back and forth in rhythm.  Commercial Christmas in all its glory shone before us.

“Need to get moving,” I muttered to myself. 

Turning my attention back to the duty at hand, I asked, “What do you want to get daddy for Christmas?”

With an inquisitive expression, Sarah tilted her head to the side.  “But mommy, it’s baby Jesus’s birthday.  What we get Jesus for Christmas?”

“Hmm.  You are right,” I said, “What do you want to get Jesus for His birthday?”

She paused for a moment.  “Socks,” she said, “Socks, Mama.” 

Puzzled, I said, “Why socks?”

“To keep His feet warm.  They must be cold in the stable.” 

“Of course.  You are right,” I said.  “Off to find warm socks then.” 

With all other gifts forgotten, we strolled to the sock aisle.  “How about these, sweetheart?”  I held up some multi-colored socks for her to see, but she had already spotted the ones she wanted. 

Pointing, she said, “No, Mama.  Those over there.” I brought the brightly colored, fuzzy socks closer for her to see, as she was firmly strapped in the buggy. 

“Yes, those.” 

Handing them to her, she held them tightly as we finished our shopping.

Later that evening, she helped me carefully wrap the precious gift in a small box with bright green paper and a red bow on top.  “To Jesus.  Love, Sarah” the tag read.

“Hon.  What do we do now?”  I turned to my husband for advice, after we tucked Sarah into bed. “If we have a birthday party for Jesus, and He doesn’t show up, then what?” 

Suddenly, a light bulb went off in my head, “I know.” 

“What?” my husband said.

“We will find one of those live nativities and let her leave her present there.”

Surfing the internet, we frantically searched to find one in our area.  Sure enough, God provided:7:00 p.m., that coming Saturday night. 

A couple of days later, I bundled the girls up in their matching red, wool coats their grandmother had purchased for them, pulled hats over their ears, and placed gloves on their fingers.  After buckling them into their car seats and handing Sarah the precious treasure, we were off to wish baby Jesus a very Happy Birthday.

Her sister snuggled close to my chest in the baby carrier, while Sarah held tightly to her daddy’s hand with one and proudly to the gift with the other. My sister and five year-old nephew met us there to join the celebration.

Abruptly, Roman soldiers stopped us at the theatrical entrance to Bethlehem,  “Why have you come to the city tonight? “ they grunted. 

Innocently, Sarah peered up in their harsh faces, “To bring baby Jesus a present,” but daddy quickly added, as he cleared his throat, “To pay our taxes, of course.” 

The guards snickered to themselves, as they said, “Welcome to Bethlehem then.”

Shuffling by quickly, we paid our pretend taxes at the next booth, and then made our way through the city in search of the baby. 

Past booth after booth we walked, each selling spices, hand-woven cloths, whittled wooden toys, or other treasures. The smells of fresh bread dipped in olive oil, sweet dates, and sheep filled the air.  Daddy took the gift from Sarah and tucked it under his arm, as Sarah and her cousin explored the wonderful treats.

“Look, Mama.  The shepherds!”  Sarah exclaimed. 

Sure enough the shepherds stood in the field watching over their sheep by night.  Suddenly, music began to play, while behind the shepherds, spotlights lit up the sky.  A man dressed in a white robe with golden, make-shift angel wings attached to his back appeared, declaring the good news that Emmanuel was born that night. Sarah jumped up and down clapping her hands with joy, while her cousin chased a stray sheep.

“But where is baby Jesus?”  Sarah asked, turning to me.

“I don’t know, sweetie.  But maybe we should try to find the innkeeper.  He would know,” I said.

Behind us at the gate, the wise men filed in with camel in tow.  “Maybe we should follow them to find where baby Jesus is,” daddy wisely added.

“There’s no room in the inn,” a man dressed in a cape and sash said, as he halted us from following. 

“But I have a present for baby Jesus,” Sarah said, as she cautiously pushed it forward for the man to see. 

“Hmm,” the man replied, “You have heard about the baby, who is said to be the new king.  We must keep this quiet from the Romans for they would seek to kill a King of the Jews.”  He bent down almost whispering in Sarah’s ear.  “Come then, little one.  Come see Baby Jesus.”  Sarah’s eyes lit up as he allowed us to pass through his door.  “Go out through the back, to the stables.”

The wise men were just kneeling, presenting their gifts to a young mother cradling a baby in her arms.  Joseph stood watchfully to the side. Illuminating the perfect scene, a shaft of light beamed into the heavens behind them.

“Oh, Mama.  We found Him,” Sarah whispered. 

My eyes brimmed with tears.  “Go ahead, Sarah. Go to baby Jesus, and give Him the birthday present.” 

Timidly, she approached, gently placing the gift at Mary’s feet next to the gold, frankincense, and myrrh. 

At that moment, her cousin overcome with the desire to also bring a gift, began to sing, “Happy birthday, Jesus.  I’m so glad it’s Christmas.  All the tinsel and lights, and the presents are nice, but the real gift is you.”  He spread his arms wide open for dramatic effect. In turn, we all joined in.

Mary’s eyes filled with tears, as Joseph smiled. “Thank you, precious ones,” she said, “Thank you for these beautiful gifts.”

Sarah ran back to our arms.  “Do you think He’ll like it?”

“Oh Sarah, Jesus will love it, for He loves you,” I said.  We snuggled together, as her daddy leaned over kissing her on the forehead. 

“Time to go,” daddy said, but as we solemnly walked away, I glanced back to etch the image in my memory. 

For years, we made the same trek to find Baby Jesus, but as the children got older, new traditions replaced the old. But I will never forget that first holy night when heaven kissed earth, and the song of joy broke through our darkness.

Ruins of an old stone abbey on green grass under a gray sky
Christian living, dreams, Family, God encounters, prophecy, Uncategorized, Visions

A New Hope Rising

This post gently touches on themes of grief and the loss of a parent. Take your time, and be kind to yourself as you read.

Recently, I was at a funeral – my mom’s funeral.  As the lid of the casket closed, two of our former pastors solemnly walked through the doors to greet my sister, who they had come for.  I meandered across the room shaking hands, and receiving thoughtful glances as I made my way to greet my old friends.  Unknown bridges had been burned in the past, but we had not been the ones to light the fires to them.  Once torched, we had sought several times to rebuild, to reconcile, but to no avail.  

It had been almost a decade since we last met.  As I approached them yet again with a welcoming hug and a greeting of genuine, “It so good to see you,” it felt like I had just hugged an icicle – hard, cold, unresponsive.  Not a word was returned. 

Later, I wrestled with all my ball of knotted up gut responses in the presence of a trusted friend.  With many tears, I talked to Jesus and encountered His presence.

I sought reconciliation still with these pastors.  “Jesus, maybe if I just write one more letter.  Maybe if I just trying explain one more time where our hearts were, why we left when did, etc., etc.?”

There are only a handful of times that I have seen Jesus truly angry, like turn over the tables in the temple angry.  Honestly, in scripture, the only time I read about Him that angry is when He encountered the religious leaders of His day.  He never seemed to be mad at the prostitutes, or the sick, or the demon-possessed, or the dishonest tax collectors, or even the Roman dictators.  But with the religious leaders He commonly said some scathing comments about them.  “White-washed tombs filled with dead men’s bone” would probably qualify as some of those type of comments.  

So, I found myself begging for reconciliation with these former pastors to Jesus, who seemed really, really angry.  The answer I got was well, not what I expected, but it went way broader than these pastors really fast.  In fact, this message is not really about these individuals at all, but they seemed to be representing church leadership in general.

He has repeated this message over the course of the past month and a half, different ways, but over and over again to me.  Even this morning, the directive has been to write this down, and share it.  There is no desire on my part to throw these particular people under the bus.  The reason I mention them at all is for context. For whatever reason, His answer to me was a firm “No,” to seeking further reconciliation.  It was more like “It’s time for me to intervene.”  

Please understand.  I’m not saying any of this as a judgment statement against all churches.  In fact, in this engagement with the Lord, I kept feeling like I needed to ask forgiveness because I got them in trouble, which was silly.  I hadn’t done anything to cause them pain, though evidently they had thought so.  I also quickly realized Jesus’s words were not just directed towards them, but the American Church in general.  Also, my family and I do meet in the corporate environment with other believers, and it is wonderful.  The following is not meant to be a blanket judgment across the American Church from me.  I have a healthy respect for the scripture that says, “Don’t judge, lest you be judged.”  I know I miss the mark all the time, so this is just a reiterating of what I have heard that He has been saying this past month, and feel now is the time to share it.  

In my mind’s eye, I saw the tip of an huge iceberg floating in the sea, and then the finger of God came and tapped the tip, flipping the entire iceberg upside down, so that huge, immense bottom was now above water and was visible for the world to see.  Then, I heard these words.

“Those who have represented my church, who have represented me, in their pride, in their arrogance, who have offered fake fire, and a puny god, who made my kingdom their kingdom, who have made their name great instead of my name, their day of judgment has come.  Only the tip of the iceberg has been shown, but I am tipping the iceberg upside down, and the world will see the giant iceberg underneath.  It must be done, or the American’s destiny will not be fulfilled.” 

“The shaking in the four walls has only begun.” 

“Exposure.  Exposure.  Exposure.”

“You have called for the judgment on the broken in this nation, you have turned your eyes away from the needy, the bleeding.  In fact, you have been disgusted by the little, hurt lambs, while instead you have fed the wolves.” 

“Enough is enough.  The tables are turning.  The tables are turning.  I will cleanse my house of this witchcraft, of this wickedness.”  

“They have misrepresented my heart.  They have caused the little ones to stumble .  The children cried for a rope to pull them out of the pits, and instead they have offered them a noose.  They have brought judgment on themselves.”  

“Don’t look to the four walls anymore.  Don’t try to be like the old structure at all.  Yes, there is some good still there. Yes. I am still using organized churches, but a shift is coming and is already here.” 

“Millions have been driven out of buildings, out of the man’s kingdom structures, and into their homes.  I am and will pour my spirit out in the homes, businesses, in the street. The enemy won’t contain my spirit behind four walls anymore.”  

“On the contrary, my ecklessia will return to her roots,  house to house, home to home, family to family, heart to heart.  I will build my true ecklessia.  Not with bricks, but with living stones, with me only as their chief corner stone.”

Yesterday, I sat in a movie theatre with tears streaming down my cheeks.  In front of me on the big screen was a church that had been partly destroyed by the Civil War.  The bell tower had been damaged with the bell itself now covered in ashes laying on the floor in the center of the shell shocked nave.  “Mama always said that the bell of the church is the voice of the church which rings out hope, but look the church has lost her voice,” said the character in the movie as he looked at the structure.  (Paraphrased)

The stark scene reflected the feelings in my heart.  “The church has lost her voice,” I repeated in my head.  And yet as the movie continued, the scenes changed to later showing the same fallen bell, covered in ashes and snow.  As the wind blew across it the words “ New Hope” appeared.  

There is no power in a church building unless the Holy Spirit resides there.  The traditional church were my mom’s funeral had been held was as empty and cold as my former friend’s hug had been.  

How many lost souls have found only condemnation, a list of do’s and don’t’s, a bar too high to jump, a noose to hang themselves on; instead of a rope to be pulled out the dark pit they have fallen into, and a gospel that is empty of good news.  

Our Hope has been, is now, and will always be found in Christ alone.  “He did not come into the world to condemn the world, but to save it.”  

In this season of civil war, A New Hope is and will rise out of the ashes of the destruction of former institutions we called church.  It will be the true Bride of Christ, the true Church, the true Body of Christ arising with the real Jesus as our leader, our lover, our Bridegroom King.  He’s not done with the American Church, but He must clean house, and rebuild His true church to restore Her voice.  Only He can do this.  It may not look like we think it will, but He can and will have His Bride, His Church.  

God truly loves you.  He relentlessly is chasing after the rejected ones, the ones who have been judged, ridiculed, and left on the road side to die.  He came to seek and save those that are lost.  

A great harvest is coming, but they will come because they have met the real, true Jesus who loves them with a love, so pure, so strong, so compelling.  Our New Hope is found in the true Jesus alone.  

Ironically, when I was a child, my mom used to sing this little song about a bell ringing. “If I had a bell, I’d ring it in the morning. I’d ring it in the evening all over this land. I’d ring out justice. I’d ring out freedom. I’d ring out a love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land.” (paraphrased)

Let the bells ring out Hope again!

The movie referenced is “I Heard the Bell” by Sight and Sound Theatre 2022, and the song is “If I Had a Hammer” lyrics © T.R.O. Inc., Tratore/ Songwriters: Lee Hays / Pete Seeger.

Silhouette of a person dancing in a field at sunset
Christian living, Family, God encounters, prophecy, Visions

The Day I Danced Out Of Church

Something was wrong.  I knew it, but couldn’t put my fingers on it.  

Sure.  There were things in the natural that I saw that weren’t sitting right.  But this was something deep below the surface – something not visible – like slimy things hidden in dark places.  

As soon as anyone asked questions, tried to turn the light on, their flashlight was tossed out – X-ed out – including ours.  

Yet, the problem seemed even deeper than one place, one building, one enterprise.  It gnawed at me.  The Holy Spirit had been stirring things up in us for months.  

“When Heidi comes, you will know for sure…” the Holy Spirit whispered inside.  

Heidi Baker is someone I respect highly, and she was coming to our neck of the woods.  After an infamous talk entitled “Don’t Eat Your Family,” (a rebuke regarding Christian cannibalism – verbally tearing your family apart), she pointed towards the back doors and said, “It’s time for you to dance right out of here.”  

I turned to my husband in shocked surprise.  “I think she’s talking to us.”  It was a few weeks later, but…

Then, came the moment.

The moment I thought I’d dread.  The moment I walked out of those doors – out of the same place I had said my vows with my husband, raised my babies, walked through for the last twenty-six years of my life.  It was surreal.

Yet, the oddest thing happened.   

I caught the glance of a friend from across the auditorium, threw my arms around her neck, and instead of tears of sorrow, joy bubbles began to pop up inside me, making me laugh like a little girl.  

It was almost embarrassing, except I didn’t care.  Like I’ve heard about in the natural (because I’ve never actually been drunk) when you are drunk, you don’t care what others think.  

In fact, I could not stop laughing, not even when the well-meaning elder glumly offered his last words to me.  Heaven must have been rolling, because I could not contain myself.  

Kindly, I patted his arm, and managed to say, “It’s OK,” snicker, snicker.  “We are gonna be just fine.”  His shocked look said it all.

I held onto the pew as more laughter bellowed out.  I kind of slid across the back wall, holding myself up with my hands, and with a slight skip in my step pushed open the doors, as I met my family in the foyer.  

Does that count for dancing out?

So, why am I telling you this?  

And no, I’m not going into a church bashing session, so you can let out a deep breath now.  

It’s more about something that has been changing and is changing in me.

It’s far greater than me though.  It is a change, a shift that I believe will eventually effect us all in some way or another.

I learned a long time ago, that anyone, and I mean anyone, especially me, can go stupid.  And yes, in my opinion there was a bit of that stupidity that happened in that season at that church.  Quite honestly, since I had been in a leadership position, serving on the prayer team as a leader, I had briefly become apart of it all.  

Yet, the problems that church went through aren’t isolated issues, because of one rogue leader.

It’s a problem I’ve heard about countless times and has shut down every move of God.

I first began to see things differently when I went to hear a woman I had never heard of speak in a hotel room – well, not much bigger than one.  She was unlike anyone I had ever met before, and she carried a presence of God that demanded attention or her peels of laughter did.  It was both, actually.  

By the second meeting I went to, I was up on the front row, because I was trying to prove to myself that what I was sensing from this woman was real.  As I sat there, it was as if someone stood behind me, took off the top of my head, and poured new information in.  

The speaker wasn’t even talking about the church and church structure directly anyway.  She was just retelling lots of amazing stories of God moving in miraculous ways, but her point was that He wanted to move in everyone’s lives this way.  

Now, I “knew” that, but I guess I’d not really “seen” that, and what I had been experiencing in our church situation had become more of a pyramid structure of performance.  

All of a sudden, in front of me, instead of pyramids, either right side up or upside down, I saw a level playing field.  Yes, each person had an important position to play and everyone used their gifts in unity for the winning score for the team, but there was only one coach, and it wasn’t the charismatic leader in the front.  It was Jesus.  He was calling the plays.

This rocked my world, so much so that without even saying a word about any of it, I was kindly dismissed from the leadership role I had held.  I don’t think it was coincidental, but probably providential.

God wasn’t done though shifting my mindsets.  And still isn’t for that matter.

Shortly after this, we were on vacation.  On my morning stroll with, I was having a little talk with Jesus, and I was telling Him all about our troubles.  I began to ask Him what the structure of the church was supposed to look like, what was His intentions.  All I could see was the mess men through the ages had made of it.  

It was like God would begin to move and pour out His Spirit, and bam, someone would grab the glory and move of God and try to make it their own.  That is a very simplified way of looking at things, but basically that what seems to happen over and over and over again.  

Kathie Walters says as soon as someone says God is moving HERE, in US, like WE have anything to do with, it’s done.  God will move somewhere else, because He refuses to have men’s hands on it.  He knows what men will do with it.  Make it their own.  

So, I digress.  

I was having a hard time seeing things through a positive frame at that time of kicking sand.  So, again, I was asking, “What’s it supposed to look like?”

As I shuffled my feet near the ocean’s edge, I had a matrix moment.  I didn’t see numbers break through scrolling in front of my face, but as I asked the Lord what His idea of what His church should look like, I began to see something very different in my mind’s eye.  

At first, I saw what looked like bubbles or circles.  Then, as it clarified more it was like cells, lots of them, interlocking, exchanging energy, living, breathing, growing.  Honestly, I was stunned.  What did this mean?  

I pondered the cell image, and as I began to ask questions, the Lord began to speak about it.  

It wasn’t about a certain church building or land that the Lord wanted to pour His Spirit on.

It wasn’t about a man’s kingdom or enterprise at all.  It was about His body, His Bride.  

All the cells were comprised of families of people, believers from all over the world, functioning together as one body, in unity, answering to the head, Jesus.  It was and is an ever moving, growing, expanding, beautiful body of Jesus.  

What we had become involved in was seemingly a one man show, an enterprise as it was put to us.  

The move of God had morphed into a man building his kingdom, because he claimed the move of God as his.  He took off the gloves of humility that the Lord had instructed him to keep on, and touch the Holy, held onto the glory, and made it his own.  

What the leadership had wanted was a charismatic leader who would take their God-given dream to make it a reality.  Though I believe their original intent was good, in my opinion, it cost a lot of people a lot of pain, as building any man-made kingdom usually does.  

Some structure is good.  Throwing off all restraint is not.  That leads to chaotic anarchy.  This is not some rebellious attitude that all forms of leadership are bad and should be over-thrown.  That’s fascism.  

Yes, even family needs structure.  There are relational lines and some rules laid down by the law of love that we abide by, and as we mature and grow, we should all be flourishing in a culture of honor, in mutual submission, not lording over each other.

The parents want their children to out grow them, to excel and succeed in life.  It is an ever growing, living, thriving unit.  

When one hurts, we all hurt.  When one celebrates, we all celebrate.  When one falls, we all go down to help the one who is hurting.  

There are boundaries and consequences in family –  in learning to grow up.  In fact, if we lovingly held people to some consequences and did not look the other way, we might have a healthier family unit, and abuse would not thrive.   

This is what it was meant to be, what it was meant to look like  – a lot like love. A lot like washing feet.  A lot like lifting one another’s burdens.  It’s what Jesus said would make us irresistible to the world – the way we love each other.  

After I danced out, the Lord took us on a six or so month journey of going to almost every denomination and some non-denominations.  

You know what we experienced?  

His Spirit alive and moving in them all.  All of them had a piece, a beautiful color to weave into the master design.  All of them…. 

So, whether you go to St. Such and Such or Bedside Assembly as we used to call it in college, or whether you have believers in your home or meet at a coffee shop, the Holy Spirit desires to be poured out through all of us, for all of us to be the living, breathing, growing thriving body of Christ.  

It’s not about the four walls, the great programs, the charismatic apostle, the amazing sermon, or the women’s luncheons.  Those can be good things, as long as it doesn’t become a self-gratifying social club, and those things aren’t stealing your focus from Jesus, your time from true intimacy with Him and others?  

These days, I still find myself seeing the Kingdom from a much broader, life giving view.  

We fellowship on a regular basis with other believers, because it’s important.  Isolation is not a healthy course in the long run.  We need each other.  We need accountability.  I know I do.  

You are a king under King Jesus.  You are priest under His Priesthood.  There is no Junior Holy Spirit.  We all get to play on the same field together.  

Until we come together as one body, as one Bride, I don’t really think we can accomplish the full mission that we are here to do.  

Let’s fix our eyes on Jesus and let Him pour His Spirit out on all of us, not just the church leadership.  When we are looking to them instead of Christ, it is a lot of expectation and pressure to put on them anyway.

Who knows?  Maybe you’ll find yourself dancing out of some pyramid one day to healthy family cell outside of traditional structure or maybe you’ll find your family cells within more of a structured environment?  

The point is we are all the body, the Bride of Christ.  He is our head, and we answer to Him.  

We walk in love, honor, and mutual submission with all our brothers and sisters, honoring and developing the gifts in each one we meet.  That’s family, and a Kingdom Family is what we are called to be.

Ocean waves under a cloudy sky
Christian living, dreams, Family, God encounters, Seasonal, Uncategorized

The Healing Flow of Creativity

I was the kind of child who was always looking for a way to escape my reality – looking for the ancient door to the wardrobe so that I could step into Narnia, where enchanting trees spirits, lively dwarfs, and talking animals made my painful realities all fade away.  

Somehow in the process of growing older, of coloring between the lines and living by the rules, especially the religious ones, the creative fantasies disappeared like a mist vaporizing.  Trauma, worries, concerns, cares of this world, even our logical thinking can bring the creative flow to a halt.  

But not so “In the beginning…” 

Genesis 1:1 says, “In the beginning, God created…” And a few verses later, mankind was made in His image.  We were created in the image of our creator who created all things.  The first instructions He gives His new creation is “Go procreate.  Go cultivate.  Go name the animals.  Go take care of all of this new creation.  Go be fruitful and multiple.”

This is what co-creating with God means to me – to allow His creative power to flow through us to bring His image upon the earth.

In a state of worshipful mediation, I heard the words, “You don’t live by the rules anymore.”  

When we are young, we have lots of rules to teach us, protect us, and to help us learn.  Yet, as we grow older, maturing into adults many of those rules aren’t needed anymore.  God says that He will write His law of love on our hearts, and that this is the new place to live from.  

It was the temptation to eat the forbidden fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil that brought death in the first place.  Mankind stepped away from the Tree of Life, and partook of the Tree of Knowledge: the tree of living by the rules, the regulations, of the law that kills, the knowledge of right and wrong.

Children are born with the ability to create and tend to be very creative.  We are made in the image of God.  He is the master creator.  I believe everyone has some God-given ability in them to create whether it is gardening, painting, cooking, working with computer, fixing a car.  It’s in us.  

Yes.  As children, we need rules and boundaries to help us to mature and to grow up healthy.  “Don’t touch the hot stove.” is a rule that can keep our fingers from experiencing the painful burn of heat.  We need to learn right from wrong, and that there is truth and laws that govern our world.   

As we grow up though, maturing into into adults, we come to a place in that maturation process where we should step into a new place of being governed by the law of love written on our hearts by the Holy Spirit.  When we learn to live from the law of love, there is the return of the freedom flow of living from the Tree of Life.  

However, children also learn at a young age, many times by a well meaning adult or maybe a not so well meaning, that thinking or coloring outside of the box or the lines is wrong, squelching creativity.  We learn to live and operate from places of fear of punishment.  We learn to live in boxes – in those self- or other- imposed boundary lines that are controlling us through intimidation.

Trauma, stress, anxiety, depression, fear, anger, unresolved issues in our heart cloud, suppress, and even destroy our ability to create.  

To create beautiful things, there must be some framework of trust in us.  Trust is built through loving, safe relationships.  In intimate, trusting relationships creativity flourishes, because the fear of failure evaporates.

I still remember the day I was teaching an art class to sex trafficking survivors.  One lady began to cry as we were finishing up a painting.  I thought somehow I had triggered her, but instead she began to tell a piece of her story.   As a child, she loved to paint and draw, but her abuser threw her art supplies away, and forbid her to be creative.  Through her tears, she said this was the first time since then that she had created something beautiful.  This unlocked something in her.

That’s what allowing creativity to flow happens in us.  It unlocks things.  It unlocks places in our hearts, beauty, our dreams, ambitions.  It also can unlock areas of pain, which we then can give to God in the process and let Him heal.  

Life is not about following rules of do’s and don’t or coloring in the lines.  It is about a free flow of stepping into the river of life, and co-creating with God.  The only boundaries of the river are His love.  

It might look messy.  It hopefully will look and feel child-like.  But most of all, my prayer is you feel encouraged and connected with the Master creator, learning to allow His creative power to flow through you bringing healing and wholeness to your heart, mind, and Spirit.

As I was spending time with the Lord today, I felt God whisper this is my ear for you.

Child,

I am the master creator.  I created everything with my breath, formed the mountain, hung the stars, spun out the solar systems with my words.  Be and it was.  Every living thing, every living creature was formed in my magnificent heart, hand crafted by me.

Mankind being my most glorious of all creation, after my own likeness, you are made in my image.  You are made to be creative, to create and bring to life the wonders I placed inside of you.  

The enemy wants nothing more than to destroy the creative process in you, to squelch the beauty within waiting to burst forth.  

Trauma, fear, anger, stress – all these things put you in a shut down, self protect mode which keeps you from engaging and living out of me, living out of the freedom of the creative life giving flow.  Like blocks damming a river, preventing the flow of life.

Your enemy comes swiftly at children to shut down their creativity to steal their God-given ability to connect with heaven, with good, with me through their imagination.  But I want to restore your child-like faith.  I want to clean your holy imagination screen, to fill your mind-eye with light, so you can see again.

In the creative River, there is a flow of ideas, light, life, freedom.  There is no right or wrong here.  There are no rules.  The only boundary is love.  Every creative drop flows out of love, out of life, joy, peace – from living in the tree of life.  

Don’t be afraid of making a mistake, of getting it wrong, of seeing something wrong or bad.  If you do, just bring that back to me, let me heal where ever it is that is causing you pain.  I’m not going to condemn you.  I simply love you.  I know where you are in pain, what needs my touch.  I am healing you.  

These are healing waters of creativity that are yours to step into.  So, jump on in. I’ll meet you in the middle of the waters to jump and play and to wash all the pain, sorrow, and lies away.  

I love you, little one.  You are sensing me.  Dance in the river of creative love.  Music, arts, books, all forms of creativity flow from here…

Engage.  Encounter me.

Love,

Papa

Check out the new monthly encounter art classes where we learn and grow in this creative flow together!

A group of people with arms raised on a beach at dusk
Christian living, Family, God encounters, Uncategorized

Living the Free Life

Gal. 2:20. “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” NKJV

Romans 6:4 “Therefore we were buried with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too may walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in the likeness of his death, we will certainly also be in the likeness of his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be rendered powerless so that we may no longer be enslaved to sin, since a person who has died is freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him, because we know that Christ, having been raised from the dead, will not die again. Death no longer rules over him.

 Eph. 2:6 “And He raised us up together with Him [when we believed], and seated us with Him in the heavenly places, [because we are] in Christ Jesus, [and He did this] so that in the ages to come He might [clearly] show the immeasurable and unsurpassed riches of His grace in [His] kindness toward us in Christ Jesus [by providing for our redemption].”AMP

Several months ago, the subject of crucified with Christ, buried with Christ, raised with Christ, and reign with Christ were in the airways.  In other words, when God is highlighting something to me, I often hear it from many directions in a short period of time through various means.  

In the past, the first two aspects of the process to living an overcoming life, crucified and buried with Christ, have made me squirm a bit.

Who wants to be crucified and buried?  I mean Jesus already did so, so what does that even mean?

My friend, Rebecca Davis, in her book series “Untwisting Scriptures”, is the expert on untangling things – a shameless plug for her, because her books are so helpful.  The concept she teaches about basically comes down to read scripture in the context of who it is written to and the time it is written, keeping it in context (not pulling out a scripture and manipulating it to say what you want it to say).  

Secondly, God wrote the Bible.  Not the other way around.  So, He is above it.  To me, this means that if a scripture is taken by a person and used to control someone else, like “submission” scriptures that don’t line up with the character and nature of God, who never manipulates us to control us, because He is love, then the person using the scripture wrongly is in error.  Not the victim.  

Just because you flap a Bible around quoting random verses doesn’t mean you are living the truth of it, which in essence is love.  

This particular concept of being crucified and buried with Christ has been very tangled up for me in the process of growing up in an extremely abusive church background.  Yet, even today, I’ve heard messages that have manipulated those concept to mean it’s a works thing of dying to myself, denying myself (Their be times I need to deny myself something – like that slice of Key lime pie yesterday.), crucifying my flesh, even so far as someone telling me to kill (murder) parts of me so that I could be dead to myself and alive to Christ.  Jesus wouldn’t murder me, so why would I do that to myself?    

The process of what Jesus did at the cross as far as our salvation and becoming a new creation was and is a completed work at the cross.  “It is finished.”  It is err to add anything of our efforts or works to earn our salvation.  It is complete.  Done.  Finished.  

And yet, we still have to receive that finish work into every area and part of our lives.  This is the  “working out our salvation”.  It is in the receiving of truth of what Jesus has done for us at the cross into every area, into ever layer of our lives, thereby rejecting the lies.   

So, recently as these concepts were swirling around in my head, and I was processing through discomfort, I believe the Holy Spirit began to explain a slightly different way of looking at this concept that I had been taught.  It actually is the process of any inner healing with Him.  The following is what I heard whispered in my heart.

Crucified with Christ – I allow Jesus to press into my pain, my junk, my hiding places where I have tried to self-protect.  I allow Him to bring truth, love, healing.  I submit myself to the finished work of the cross.  

He bore my sin, my shame, unforgiveness, all the wrongs done to me and others, my fears, my pain, my suffering, my anger, all it – He became sin, and took it on Himself there, so that I can now leave it there.  

I allow Him into those strongholds, each level, each layer, every place.  It is a process, which can take a lot of time, depending on the levels of abuse and pain. I press into His pain. I allow His suffering love to penetrate all of me.  This is a process.  

It may look like Him leading me to a very painful memory, and Him showing me where he was in that place with me – the real truth about what happened, how He saw me in it, where He was, what He was doing.  Then, me making the choice to release it all to Him, and believe the truth, allowing Him to heal me.

It may look like Him asking me to love someone who has deeply hurt me, by choosing to forgive them, and release them to Him.  

It may mean His Holy Spirit showing a place of pride that I acted in and choosing into asking forgiveness for hurt I caused someone else.  

I honestly don’t think we can truly become all Christ has called us to be, fully understanding who we are, if we are still hiding, if there are still hurts, wounds, lies, and pain lodged in our hearts. It’s all a continuing process, but this first step cannot be by-passed.

Buried with Christ – When I allow Jesus into those places of pain, He literally buries the pain, the shame, the fears, the hate, and all the lies I believed about myself, others, and Him in His great love. 

When I think of those memories, those places that were once horror to me, now I have complete peace.  They have no power over me anymore, no power to hurt me anymore.  Those lies, sins are literally buried.  They are dead.  They have no ability to affect me in anyway, anymore.  I am truly free to live in Him.  

Raised or resurrected with Christ  – Now, when He speaks identity over me of who I am it sticks more, because I’m a new creation.  I literally am.  

Now, I can fully begin to embrace the identity of Christ, because all the junk has been put to rest. RIP.  

Now, I am resurrected into all the fullness of my identity in Christ.  My Father is fully in me.  I am fully in Him.  Everything Jesus is now is in me, and I have all the power, authority, dominion that the resurrected Christ has, because I am His daughter, a daughter of the King of Kings.  

This is where He really begins speaking to you those “Who you are words”, and they can go deep, molding your identity of who you were created to be!  This will be unique to you, because child of God has different gifts, abilities, and destinies in Him.

I’ve included at the end some identity statements taken straight from God’s word.  Let Him make those words personal to you.  

Reign with Christ, Seated with Him in heavenly places – When we begin to truly understand who we are in Christ, who He has created us to be, then we begin to rule.  We begin to reign.  Not in the sweet by and by, but here and now.  We “are” already seated with Christ in heavenly realms.  We are a royal priesthood.  

 As we embrace fully what Jesus Christ finished for us, then we begin to walk out that identity, and take authority and action on who we are in Christ.  

Sometimes, this honestly can be a little scary, because your Father is relentless in you truly becoming who He created you to be, but He does it because He loves us with a relentless, all powerful love.  He won’t stop ever loving us into fully becoming mature children who are free to be all He created us to be.  

Crucified, buried, resurrected, and reigning is the process of stepping into the fullness of our identity in Christ.  It is both finished and a process of receiving.  

His empowering grace is sufficient to help to become that person who reigns with Him – the person He has already created us to be.  

Thank you Jesus for what you paid to give me.  

Happy Resurrection Day!!!

I am complete in Him Who is the head over all rule and authority—of every angelic and earthly power (Colossians 2:10).

I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5).

I am free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).

I am far from oppression, and will not live in fear (Isaiah 54:14).

I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me (1 John 5:18).

I am holy and without blame before Him in love (Ephesians 1:4; 1 Peter 1:16).

I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:5).

I have the peace of God that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

The Spirit of God, who is greater than the enemy in the world, lives in me (1 John 4:4).

I have received abundant grace and the gift of righteousness and reign in life through Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17).

I have received the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus, the eyes of my heart enlightened, so that I know the hope of having life in Christ (Ephesians 1:17-18).

I have received the power of the Holy Spirit and He can do miraculous things through me.I have authority and power over the enemy in this world (Mark 16:17-18; Luke 10:17-19).

I am renewed in the knowledge of God and no longer want to live in my old ways or nature before I accepted Christ (Colossians 3:9-10).

I am merciful, I do not judge others, and I forgive quickly. As I do this by God’s grace, He blesses my life (Luke 6:36-38).

God supplies all of my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

In all circumstances I live by faith in God and extinguish all the flaming darts (attacks) of the enemy (Ephesians 6:16).

I can do whatever I need to do in life through Christ Jesus who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).

I am chosen by God who called me out of the darkness of sin and into the light and life of Christ so I can proclaim the excellence and greatness of who He is (1 Peter 2:9).

I am born again—spiritually transformed, renewed and set apart for God’s purpose—through the living and everlasting word of God (1 Peter 1:23).

I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ to do good works that He has prepared for me to do (Ephesians 2:10).

I am a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

In Christ, I am dead to sin—my relationship to it is broken—and alive to God—living in unbroken fellowship with Him (Romans 6:11).

The light of God’s truth has shone in my heart and given me knowledge of salvation through Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6).

As I hear God’s Word, I do what it says and I am blessed in my actions (James 1:22, 25).

I am a joint-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17). I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me (Romans 8:37).

I overcome the enemy of my soul by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony (Revelation 12:11).

I have everything I need to live a godly life and am equipped to live in His divine nature (2 Peter 1:3-4).

I am an ambassador for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20). I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people (1 Peter 2:9).

I am the righteousness of God—I have right standing with Him—in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).

My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit; I belong to Him (1 Corinthians 6:19).

I am the head and not the tail, and I only go up and not down in life as I trust and obey God (Deuteronomy 28:13).

I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14).

I am chosen by God, forgiven and justified through Christ. I have a compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness and patience (Romans 8:33; Colossians 3:12).

I am redeemed—forgiven of all my sins and made clean—through the blood of Christ (Ephesians 1:7).

I have been rescued from the domain and the power of darkness and brought into God’s kingdom (Colossians 1:13).

I am redeemed from the curse of sin, sickness, and poverty (Deuteronomy 28:15-68; Galatians 3:13).

My life is rooted in my faith in Christ and I overflow with thanksgiving for all He has done for me (Colossians 2:7).

I am called to live a holy life by the grace of God and to declare His praise in the world (Psalm 66:8; 2 Timothy 1:9).

I am healed and whole in Jesus (Isaiah 53:5; 1 Peter 2:24).

I am saved by God’s grace, raised up with Christ and seated with Him in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:5-6; Colossians 2:12).

I am greatly loved by God (John 3:16; Ephesians 2:4; Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4).

I am strengthened with all power according to His glorious might (Colossians 1:11).

I humbly submit myself to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the Name of Jesus (James 4:7).

I press on each day to fulfill God’s plan for my life because I live to please Him (Philippians 3:14).

I am not ruled by fear because the Holy Spirit lives in me and gives me His power, love and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7).

Christ lives in me, and I live by faith in Him and His love for me (Galatians 2:20).  

– excerpt from “Knowing Who I Am in Christ” by Joyce Meyers

Christian living, Family, Uncategorized

20 Seconds of Courage: How a Simple Yes Lessens Grief (A Guest Blog by Beth Saadati)

This post gently touches on themes of grief and loss. Take your time, and be kind to yourself as you read.

Sometimes a simple decision can change our atmosphere, our perception of things, and help us to process feelings of grief or other hard emotions.

Beth has become a dear friend through the years following the untimely death of her oldest daughter, Jenna. She tackles one of the hardest subjects that any of us will face, suicide, on her blog page, called “Bittersweet” at http://www.bethsaadati.com. She has been a featured speaker on Focus on the Family, as well as published pieces in “Chicken Soup for the Soul”. I believe you’ll love her, find helpful resources on her website (especially if you know of someone struggling with suicide or the results of it), and discover hope on the other side. Enjoy!

For more from Beth, visit: http://www.bethsaadati.com

20 Seconds of Courage: How a Simple Yes Lessens Grief

 by Beth Saadati

Person, Woman, Girl, Human, Pleasure

I yanked the iPhone from my ear and stared at the screen. A long pause ensued before the chat resumed.

“He’s coming . . . when?” I asked. 

My middle daughter answered matter-of-factly. “The Friday before Thanksgiving.”

“How long does he want to stay?”

“Something like ten days.”

“But your brother will be on a camping trip and at school half that time. And you’ll be away at college until Tuesday. That leaves just Dad and me.”

“He said that’s okay.”

My words vanished. I couldn’t imagine a college sophomore from Germany, whom I hardly knew, would ever want to. This was all so unexpected. Absolutely awkward. Wildly weird. Kind of, well, crazy.

Then again, I had extended the spontaneous invitation. My offer had been one hundred twelve percent sincere. But when he laughed and instantly replied with, “Thanks, but I could never accept that,” I figured this year’s Thanksgiving would be my family’s new normal—laced with the same deathly silence of my oldest daughter’s absence I’d endured for the past eight holiday seasons without her here.  

“Lukas might be miserable the first five days,” I finally told Christa, “but tell him he’s welcome to come.” 

Christa said she’d give him the message then ended the call. I hustled to the pantry, withdrew a yardstick, and measured the five-brick-high fireplace hearth. If I hoisted my short five-foot-two stature up on it, I would match Lukas’s six-foot-six height. 

I did. That new perspective changed the whole room. 

* * *

The doorbell rang an hour earlier than I’d anticipated which, for someone who always runs late, spelled d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r. I hadn’t finished prepping supper, I didn’t have myself together, my house wasn’t exactly clean. But when Lukas beamed a huge smile through my front door’s tall glass pane, I decided to let him in.

Alone at home, I’d anticipated the initial greeting would be painstakingly awkward. It should have been. Except Lukas doesn’t know a stranger, so he immediately launched into story-telling mode, dramatically sharing his latest collegiate adventures in his distinct German accent with delightfully loud vocal chords. Before my stomach started to hurt from laughing hard and my neck began to ache from looking up at this gentle giant, I offered to show Lukas around my small home. 

We started in the front room where we stood. The wood shelf above the piano held a few large, framed photos—the last professional pictures a JCPenney photographer took of the three of my kids together. Lukas had befriended Christa. He’d met Josh, her younger brother. The puzzled look on his face indicated he knew nothing about Jenna, their older sister. 

Of course, I thought. It’s a tough subject to bring up. Christa hasn’t told him. 

“That’s Jenna,” I said, as I pointed to the photo. “Christa had an older sister.” 

Hoping that might be enough for the moment, I turned down the short hallway. Lukas followed. I showed him Josh’s room, which he’d be using. Then Christa’s room, with its Dr. Who and Star Wars paraphernalia, bobble-head collection, and Marvel posters. A few minutes later we crossed the hall to the room that was mine and my husband’s. And my heart started racing. 

On three of the walls, my friend Sam had mounted a double layer of six-foot shelves to display a series of 5×7 photos—one for each year from birth to present—of each of my children. Christa’s went from birth to age nineteen, Josh’s from birth to age sixteen, Jenna’s from birth to age fourteen. Lukas stared. I would have to explain. 

“Jenna died when she was fourteen,” I said. “That’s why the photos end there. I’m sorry Christa didn’t tell you.” 

Lukas turned away from the framed headshots to glance at me. 

“I hope you don’t mind me asking,” he said, “but how did she die?” 

I paused, trying to decide how much to say. “We didn’t see it coming. She ended her own life. So, suicide.” 

The happy chatter between us ceased. Lukas nodded his head. Tears pooled in his eyes.

“I was bullied in Germany,” he said, “so I might understand. But I’m so sorry.” Then Lukas bent down and hugged my shoulder—a sign that I hoped meant he wasn’t afraid to stay in my home, do life with my family, and embrace our difficult story. 

That sign proved true.

Despite declaring he should be studying for exams, throughout the days that followed Lukas drew my husband—whom he’d never previously met—and me into engaging conversation. He told jokes and stories. He shared about life growing up in Austria and Germany. He rode with me to surprise Christa when I picked her up from Anderson University—and uttered no complaint when she greeted him with a fifty-pound box to carry. 

Lukas helped me prepare food in the kitchen and joined in our Thanksgiving celebration. He played Settlers of Catan with the family and countless hours of Wii Lego Star Wars with Josh. He even achieved something Christa has never been able to do—convince Josh to spend a few hours at Upstate Swing (because, as Lukas says, asking a girl to dance “only takes twenty seconds of courage”). Josh arrived home smiling and, since that fateful day, has gone back to swing dance every Tuesday he’s been free. 

Lukas also offered to cook my family a delicious homemade schnitzel and German potato salad meal, which included shopping at Lidl while FaceTiming his mom in Germany for instructions about which ingredients to purchase. (Such a brave act, given the fact he’d only practiced his culinary skills in the kitchen—making a lasagna following a YouTube tutorial—one time before that!) 

There were more memorable moments. The three teens road tripped to Carowinds. Our mutt, Max, who adored his new friend, vulnerably flopped over on his back for a tummy rub whenever Lukas appeared. And, when I specifically asked, Lukas smiled and kindly informed me that, yes, he could easily see the half-inch of dust on the top of the refrigerator. 

But the biggest thing is this: for the duration of his stay, Lukas soaked my home with an abundance of laughter. He discussed deep topics and entertained us with lighthearted stories. He felt like family. Somehow, his presence altered the atmosphere. 

On Sunday one of Lukas’s Coastal Carolina University friends arrived to start the three-hour drive back to South Carolina’s Myrtle Beach campus. I said goodbye, and expected to return to the sadness of the holiday season, with the vivid memories that accompany the trauma surrounding the second day of January. 

Except . . . I didn’t. Lukas had filled my home with joy and, inside me, something had shifted. For the first time since Christmas 2012, I was able to decorate the tree (with bread-dough ornaments made by my two daughters) and fireplace. I positioned wreathes on windows. I listened to some Christmas music while I baked a batch of sugar cookies. And, at long last, I had the capacity to celebrate Emmanuel—Our. God. With. Us.

Christmas tree decorated with a heart ornament and lights
Wooden sign on a brick wall above string lights
Christmas tree with red bows and warm lights

Since my daughter’s death, I’ve struggled to not isolate. To let friends and family into my story, my hurt, and my home. To reply to emails and answer the phone. To simply say yes to friends who extend and unexpectedly accept invitations. 

The yes isn’t easy. But almost every time I give it, I’m glad I did. Because something special takes place. Connection happens that changes my perspective. 

And to think that saying yes to letting others enter into the grief each of us carries really only takes about twenty seconds of courage.

This blog post originally appeared on the Building Strong Homes website at www.carolroper.org.

You can listen to the accompanying Building Strong Homes podcast episode, “An Unfinished Story: Losing a Daughter to Suicide,” which tells Beth’s and Jenna’s story, by clicking this title link. 

Black-and-white portrait of a smiling woman

Beth is a high school English teacher, wife, and mom to two spectacular teens. She likes to spend time with family and friends, indulge in a Chicago-style mushroom pizza or homemade blackberry pie, and, with shameful inconsistency, lace up her Nikes for a long-distance run. In the aftermath of her beloved firstborn’s suicide, she shares story at bethsaadati.com to offer insight, understanding, and hope–with those who weather the storms of suicidal thoughts and suicide loss…and with those who simply know how bittersweet life can sometimes be.